Small group, Bible studies, especially the heavily interactive type, can make some people feel uneasy. Small groups can straight up scare some people. Are you one of these people? Would you rather attend a larger gathering than participate in a small study? Would you like to better connect in small groups?
The questions come up: “How do I connect in the a small group, Bible study? What does connecting look and feel like?”
I started attending small, Bible studies with my dad when I was nine years old. I didn’t contribute much then, but I did get involved. Those early days taught me a lot about connecting in small group, Bible studies (or even book studies). Even late last year, I used some of the following skills to connect with a new small group.
I hope you can benefit from some of these.
1. Commit to serve
Connecting is difficult when you’re looking for something for yourself. This way, you have to wait for others to connect with you on your terms. If you’re committed to serving others, you can switch around to connecting on their terms. It’s not easy, but it’s much easier than waiting for others to meet your needs.
2. Show up
Flakiness. What is it? It’s usually just not showing up. Sometimes it’s weird doctrine, but usually, most times, it’s just failing to show up. Showing up is what leaders, members, and God wants.
“100% of the shots you don’t take don’t go in.” -Wayne Gretsky
3. Prepare ahead
Formats are different for every group, but in general you’ll probably read something, whether it’s the Bible or a workbook or whatever. If you don’t know where you’re going, ask. Then do your homework. Show up with enthusiasm – show some initiative.
The more you know ahead of time, the more you can add – and the more connected to the group you’ll feel.
4. Bring snacks
Go above and beyond the call of small group duty. Get creative. What would you like someone else to do for the group?
5. Ask questions
If you’re reading ahead and doing your homework, you should be able to come up with some questions. You might not know the most about the Bible, but that’s okay. It’ll let you ask the questions. Even if you don’t ask them out loud, listen to find answers in the discussion.
6. Remind
I’ve already talked about gathering information ahead of time – but don’t overload. It’s easy to get lost.
I suggest focusing on one topic and finding it in everything. Remind of what you already know. For example, you might start with Jesus and His life-giving sacrifice. Where else in your study do you see examples of that? Do you see similarities between that and anything else you’re learning in the study?
7. Snipe someone
Pick someone off and get to know that person. Really well. Perhaps you could meet for lunch. You’ll feel closer to the whole group just by getting closer to one member of the group. Two are stronger than one and certainly more connected.
Don’t be creepy though. Make sure the other person feels comfortable with you.
8. Spill your guts
Confession hurts. You’ll feel uncomfortable doing it. But so will everyone else. Step up and lead. Tell everyone what you struggle with. Start with the person you sniped. Create closeness by letting your guard down. Watch others follow. Watch the connections deepen.
9. Support your leader
Someone always disagrees. Support your leader. Small group leaders are often inexperienced. They need your patience and respect – and it’s an excellent time to be the example and help others learn patience and respect also.
10. Learn to apply
This is difficult. That’s why so few do it – and why so many need to learn it. Start by throwing out assumptions. For example, stop assuming you know what it means to be faithful. What does it look like? What does it feel like? Answer these questions, not in generalizations for the group, but specifically for yourself. This will help you spill your guts too.
The whole goal in this is to give. That’s how to connect. Small group, Bible studies offer an excellent, training opportunity. Take advantage of them to build your serving skills. When you give, you’ll naturally connect with others. Everyone connects with someone who gives.
“…He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.” -1 Corinthians 9:6
Serving Suggestions:
(1) Join a small group. Commit to it for eight weeks (or some definite amount of time). If you’re already “kinda, sorta-ish” involved, take this chance to recommit to the group.
(2) Come ready to serve. Try some of these listed here.
(3) What else would you add? What’s helped you connect in small group studies? Share in the comments…
Twitter Updates
I’m all for #4! Especially if it’s a smaller sized small group. I’d bring food all the time, mostly because in college my small groups were on my craziest days and I needed to eat myself.
I don’t like small groups at the start, new people freak me out. Once I get into a group it’s usually the highlight of my day.
My advice: Go with the intent to learn something, even if it’s just about the people themselves, but don’t forget to have fun. I can still laugh at the majority of the jokes that were created in small groups, it also helps me learn.
I like what you said about going to get to know people. So important. It’s all about being interested. Encouragement is what we all need, and it’s impossible to do that without getting to know people. It’s a subtle skill – perhaps we should pay more attention to it considering its importance.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
I know you and I were discussing gender not too long ago but your comments made me think of something. (Why haven’t I saved your email address by now?)
I just emailed my email address to you. :>) I never mind sending it to you like this, but you can always contact me through the contact page (you can click through at the top) too. Either way is fine with me though.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
Great tips, Marshall!
I both like and dislike small group settings….usually depends on the vibe from the group. I love small groups in the fact that it’s more real, and you def. pay attention more b/c you know you may be speaking up soon. I def. seem to learn more.
The only reason I tend to not like small groups is when it’s more forced upon you that you must say something even if you’re not comfortable….i tend to be on the shy side.
But if you get a great group of casual people, throw in your 10 tips….def. would make for an awesome Bible Study Group….where do i sign up?:)
haha I’d def. enjoy a study with all the folks from bondChristian. That would be awesome.
It seems in small groups anyway, a lot of effort (perhaps “attention” is a better word) needs to go into building the community first. Otherwise, the whole interaction about the gospel can feel too awkward.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
Good list. One thing our small group has done several times with new members and when we first started together that worked well was to pick 5 words or values to describe us, leaving our work and day to day activities out of it. It helped to learn the principles and foundation of people before the superficial day to day stuff. A great way to introduce yourself as well really.
That’s a good idea. What were your five words, Mike?
Perhaps I’d do a post on ice breakers. There’s invaluable… especially when you can pull them off without sounding too fake and “ice breaker-ish.”
-Marshall Jones Jr.
My words I’ve had for some time now to describe myself are:
service, spirit, integrity and loyalty
I have those 4 words printed and posted on the “cubicle” walls of my office and it is always a great conversation starter when people see them.
Whoops, I can’t believe I wrote loyalty, I meant honesty. I think I just read the wrong word while typing. What a blunder, not it doesn’t feel like loyalty or honesty after that mess up… OK, that’s just funny. Serious though, its honesty….
Nice catch. I don’t catch comment mistakes until someone replies (if at all).
Fantastic words by the way. Integrity and honesty are close in many ways. After thinking about them, though, I can see the difference.
Thanks for sharing. It’s a great reminder to go back over some of my own values. Perhaps I’ll start posting them too. :>)
-Marshall Jones Jr.
This is great!
I personally love Bible studies. The main reasons are because it opens up a host of debates. And after the debates we end up closer than ever…oh…and we learn too!
Yes, I’m a big debater too… too much sometime, and it doesn’t end up with everyone closer than ever.
Usually, though, I love it. The open discussion helps everyone see where everyone else is coming from. That’s the best part about the studies.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
These are great tips! I have seen #8 work personally this year in my Bible study. One night, (way back when when the study was only 8 girls), we all went to our leader’s apartment for dinner. We were all eating, enjoying superficial conversation that allowed us to keep our guards up when one of the girls took advantage of a quick lull to ask “So….how did you all come to know the Lord?”
Talk about a loaded question! Next thing I know, we’re all spilling our testimonies. We went from being pretty much complete strangers to very close friends.
Now, I don’t want to underestimate God’s sovereignty in all of this, but I do think the intense closeness fostered by this original discussion has a lot to do with why our study has doubled in size since then.
Great tips, thanks for sharing
Right on, Emily. I love these personal stories of how small groups have worked out. Something about the intimacy… if a group can quickly (and deeply) build that, it’s amazing what can happen.
I’m actually planning to write a series here about friendship and intimacy and how to build them. I think it’s an underrated talent.
Thank you for sharing.
-Marshall Jones Jr.