How to ruin your reputation in 10 quick and painful steps

It’s a shame that so few of you ever consider how to ruin your reputation. Let’s remedy that.

Over the past week or more, I’ve become somewhat of an expert in this subject. So like any self-respecting self-reputation ruiner, I thought I’d share this knowledge with you.

I’ve personally pushed each of these steps to varying degrees at least once in my life. I haven’t tried each of the examples, but hey, my reputation isn’t completely wrecked yet. I’m still learning too.

You’re sure to find these steps effective though. Join me now in exploring the sewer.

1. Avoid fitting in

When everyone else is laughing, complain. When everyone else is crying, tell blond jokes. Some might call this insensitive. I call it, “The first step toward a blown reputation.”

2. Joke and employ pervasive sarcasm

The best jokes for this purpose degrade others. Particularly potent are jokes about the fat, handicapped, mentally retarded, or just plain ugly people around you. If you can throw in some sarcastic sexual references too, you’re definitely in the game.

3. Focus on faults

When your classmate scores 98% on the History exam, circle his spelling errors with a highlighter. When your fiancé tells you she bought a new coat, remind her that it’s faux fur. No one’s perfect – no one should forget that.

4. Assign stereotypes and never deviate

Only dwell on the bad ones (see step 3). For example, if you see a mother of two walk in late for a doctor’s appointment, assume mothers are always late. Don’t bother showing up on time for any appointments with them. Same goes for Christians who skip church – assume they’re ALL hell-bound.

5. Gossip

Continue with step 4 but share your stereotypes with others. Everyone should know about hell-bound Harry and his always-late and, by the way, fat wife.

6. Break promises

Breaking major promises like filing for divorce or lying in court work. But also persist in the little, broken commitments like showing up late for meetings or bailing out of them altogether, agreeing to do a favor but conveniently forgetting, or only completing part of your share of a project. Anything showing that you don’t keep your word will contribute to your broken reputation.

7. Flirt

This is step 6 on steroids because it’s all about emotions. If you can break or at least severely damage someone emotionally, your reputation is sure to follow.

8. Help others by telling them everything you know

Don’t wait for questions. Answer everything. Even if you don’t know an answer, it’s usually best to throw an one out there. Your audience will thank you for it by spreading your arrogant reputation far and wide.

9. Argue with everyone

This goes with step 8. If you constantly tell everyone what you know, you’re bound to run up against someone who disagrees. Don’t pass up the opportunity. Argue, quarrel, bicker, bite, and hope it turns into a fight.

10. Ignore your reputation

If you forget the rest of these steps, remember this last one. You might bungle it up anyway if you purposely try to butcher your reputation. The trick is to not care. Live what you want. Don’t worry about what others think. After all, the Bible says, “Appearances don’t matter.”

Bonus step: Twist Scripture

This only works among Christians to squander your Christian reputation. A mere misinterpretation every once in a while won’t do it either. You have to actively, tenaciously maintain your interpretation after you know the truth. Twisted versions of salvation are especially sensitive to this tactic. Some prodding – as in making fun of people with contrary positions (see step 2) – stokes the fire even more.

Conclusion

Have no fear – these steps, like a drive-by monster truck, will make you look like mud. However, one need not be so brash. Remember: your reputation is a delicate thing – even the smallest steps can lead to the tallest cliffs.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) What would you add? I’m sure you could recommend some steps either from your life or from what you’ve observed in others that lead to reputation carnage. Share with us in the comments.

(2) The steps here work if you’re trying to wreck your reputation. I suggest you don’t try it. I suggest you avoid all these steps in your life. I suggestion you build a good reputation.

“A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, loving favor rather than silver and gold.” – Proverbs 21:1