My mistake yesterday, what I learned from it, my apology to Stephen, and why it all matters to you

I was mad at Stephen Altrogge yesterday. This is not sarcastic. I really was angry.

I’ve followed his blog, The Blazing Center, for about a year or so now. I’ve watched it grow. I’ve left a few comments. And I’ve seen the blog switch through a couple different themes (the templates that change the appearance and usability of the site).

Until yesterday, I was fine with all that. But yesterday, as I got back into my blogging and blog reading routine, I noticed a post from Stephen’s site about a new theme change. I was reading in my RSS reader, so I clicked through to see the new site design. [Go ahead and click through if you like, and see what I mean.]

Did you get the same surprise I had? I thought I’d made a mistake and somehow clicked through to this blog, bondChristian. The new theme at The Blazing Center was the theme I’m using here. (And it still is.)

That’s when I got angry.

How could he steal my theme? How could he copy mine exactly? I mean, sure, the theme is free and available for anyone to use, but come on.

I felt particularly strongly about this for a few reasons:

1. His blog is more established than mine. Naturally this means anyone coming over from his blog will think I copied his theme. To me, copycats look cheap. I’ve spent a lot of effort to try to be authentic and one of a kind. Having the same theme as another blog seemed to me to automatically and immediately ruin all that for a visitor who’s been to The Blazing Center.

2. His blog is a Christian blog also. Our blogs are very different in approach. The Blazing Center is more devotional than bondChristian. But still we fill much of the same space. Readers of his blog could very well be readers of my blog. I could see someone else using the same theme on a different kind of blog, but a Christian blog? Not cool. He’s ripping me off.

3. He knew (or I was pretty sure he knew) that he was copying this theme. I’m not sure it would have made it better if he’d found the theme completely independent of bondChristian. Still, it felt worse knowing that he knew he was copycatting from here. [Update: yes, he knew and thanked me for it in his comment here.]

I was rather sullen for a couple minutes.

[By the way, I have a link at the bottom of each post advertising the theme, so it’s not like I’ve kept it a secret or acted like I didn’t want anyone to copy it.]

What I learned from it

First, it took me a couple minutes to even realize how angry I’d become over this. Then I got scared. Whoa, Marshall, I thought, you get angry way too quickly. I didn’t even realize how territorial I’d become.

1. I had no right to claim ownership of this theme. Just because I’d found it and started using it a couple weeks before Stephen doesn’t mean I own it. The theme is free, and I’m sure others were cringing when I jumped on the bandwagon. They might have thought I was copying them. How much has God given me that’s not only available to me but everyone?

2. I should have been excited that someone else, especially a Christian, started using such a cool theme. If it’s really that great, I should have been happy to give it away. Just like if Jesus is so great, I should be happy that others reap what I’ve sown. We are one – as corny as that sounds. We’re in this together for the glory of God.

3. I started thinking scarcity, which is wrong. I started thinking I was competing with The Blazing Center, that there are only so many Christian readers to go around. When I started this blog, I specifically made it a point to not act like my blog is competing with anyone, Christian or not. Instead I wanted this blog to be an extension, a compliment, of all the amazing blogging already out there. Ding, ding: reminder.

Somehow, in an instant, I’d switched from an others-oriented perspective – from a Church perspective – to selfishness. To me.

That’s when I realized I needed to forgive Stephen.

Ah, no, I don’t need to forgive Stephen, I argued. Forgiveness is such a serious thing. But I did need to forgive him. I kept too much resentfulness. Any resentfulness at all would warrant forgiveness.

So I did forgive Stephen. Since yesterday, I’ve totally changed my perspective on this. I’m actually glad the theme switched because I was able to learn these lessons. I’m glad the two sites share the same look. And I feel closer to Stephen because of it all (in a macho, Christian brotherly way of course :)).

My apology to Stephen

Stephen, I apologize for getting upset with you, even though (hopefully) you were completely unaware of it. I judged you by my own standards, by what I wanted instead of following what God wanted.

I apologize for separating myself from you by assuming we’re competing. I have forgiven you for what I originally thought was your problem when it obviously was mine. I’m looking forward to continuing the look together… almost like brother sites (“sister sites” is the more common term, but I’m sure Stephen appreciates me not confusing genders here.)

And lastly, Stephen, I apologize for blindsiding you with all this when just a few minutes ago you (hopefully) weren’t aware of any friction between us.

Why all this matters to you, dear reader

Do you ever get in similar situations? I don’t mean with a blog, though that’s certainly possible. I mean in daily life. Do you start comparing yourself with others? Do you feel ripped off when someone does something amazing if it encroaches on your turf (whatever that is)? I think we all do to various degrees.

Do you know that forgiveness for what someone’s done is often the first step to apologizing? If you’re still resentful of what someone’s done to you, you fail to see from God’s perspective. As a result, you gloss over how much of the problem (if not all of it) is your fault. I know I did.

So please, learn from my mistakes. No one makes you angry – you choose to be angry. Choose wisely. The Church is one body. Remember that. If you have issues, usually the problem is your fault. Apologies only come from those who recognize that the problem is their fault.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Forgive.

(2) Apologize.