Facebook. My chat box opens with, “Hey!”
What does that mean? It means it’s a girl. Guys sometimes start with “hey,” but it doesn’t stay there. If it did, it would feel awkward. With girls, though, you get used to it.
Girls want response. They send that “hey,” and they’re automatically waiting for a reply. As a guy, though, I’m on the other end waiting for the message to continue with some sort of point.
It’s a guy thing. We like to have a point to conversations. We come to them thinking, “Where is this going?” We’re constantly wondering, “Is this the point? Is this why I’m having this conversation?” We’re aggravated when we can’t find the point.
Girls don’t have this problem. For them (you?), every conversation is an opportunity to just chat. And that can be it.
So from the estrogen side, conversations don’t need points. Conversations can be smooth.
I say all this because I think we, bondChristians, need more pointless conversations.
Now hear more from the testosterone side.
The other day, I received an email from a friend I hadn’t heard from in a long time. As far as I recall, the last I’d interacted with him was through an email I sent him. The email I just received, though, mentioned nothing of my previous email. It started a whole new topic.
I had no problem with him not replying to my email. I didn’t bite my nails waiting for a response. I don’t even know that I wanted a response to my email.
For guys, conversations don’t always need responses. Conversations can be broadcasts.
I say all this because I think we, bondChristians, need more broadcast conversations.
You and I need more smooth broadcasts.
Why “smooth” works
Smooth (pointless) works because it let’s you initiate more frequently and easily. Most guys don’t interact enough because they don’t have a specific reason to. ‘To socialize” doesn’t usually cut it.
Smooth removes that barrier.
Why “broadcast” works
Broadcast (just talking) works because it allows communication without requiring anything from the other person. Most girls don’t interact like this because they want response to continue interacting.
Broadcast removes that barrier.
In short, smooth broadcast works because it puts all the responsibility on you. You’re serving the other person. The other person doesn’t have to do anything for you to show you care. This is what Jesus meant in Luke 6:35 when he told us to serve, “hoping for nothing in return.”
Serving Suggestions:
(1) Start interactions. Don’t wait for a reason or a “point” (besides just showing that you’re thinking about the other person). Girls are cool with this – it’s harder for guys.
(2) Start interactions, but don’t assume you’ll get an active response back. Prepare for one-sidedness. Guys are cool with this – it’s harder for girls.
Anti-disclaimer (which I could just call a “claimer”): I realize I completely stereotyped up the wazoo here. I’m okay with that because I realize it’s stereotyped, not meant to accurately describe every detail. I hope you’re now okay with it too.
Twitter Updates
“Hi.” Ok, now you know I’m a male.
Have been following your series, and enjoy the “slant” you give it. Will continue to follow it. (Tho I don’t read most blogs every day – just “catch up” a time or two every week.
Do you mind filling me in a bit about you? What are your two BA’s in? What do you do now? Sounds like your Dad is a Christian – is he a pastor; if not, what does he do? Do you have a goal of working in some particular area? Etc. (A “broadcast” is ok.)
Since you’ve looked at our web site, you probably already know about me. But if you have any questions, please feel free to ask. Or, as you said, “chat.” (If you prefer, use the e-mail listed on our web site.)
When you talked about options, and used a wife as an example, it made me recall a poemette a friend had on his desk in Orlando when we both worked there as planners. –
“I’ve learned to make decisions
Without much stress or strife
I consider all the options
Then go and ask my wife.”
God’s best to you.
Hey…
I couldn’t do it. I have to say something more to the point! This was a really great post. Being ADHD-PI it is hard for me to get through most blog posts but you kept my interests, so congrats!
I think it is hard for me to start conversations for 2 reasons – 1 is that I am introverted and my thought process comes off slow most of the time and 2 I do wonder, “now what is the point to this?”
Small talk is much easier with close friends. How did they become close? Time. For some of us we get to “estrogen” type talking after months or even years of being friends.
Great point, not that I’m responding or that you need to hear a response because we’re dudes so chest bump and out.
Pete,
Thank you for coming back. This is such an encouragement to me. It’s one thing for someone to drop by for a day, but to seek the blog back out is quite different. Thank you. I appreciate you stopping in whenever you want. (I’m actually planning to start a monthly(ish) newsletter within a few weeks to keep readers up to date who don’t want to necessarily visit every day).
In response to your questions, sure, I’m more than happy to fill you in on who I am. I talk about serving others here, but I’m still self-centered enough to enjoy telling a bit of who I am.
My two degrees were in Economics and Philosophy. Currently, though, I’m an IT guy, mostly installing and configuring printers for local (Louisville, KY) firms and banks. You guessed it – my dad is a Christian and a pastor. I’m currently looking into working in the ministry full-time, though I’m not sure the particular area. I enjoy writing and speaking and interacting on many levels. (Hint, hint: if you know of an amazing position, let me know.)
I plan to update the “About” page here over the weekend to give a better story for the site. I’ll stay in touch with you though.
Thank you for sharing the poemette – I loved it… just don’t bring it up after I’m married.
It sounds fantastic in writing but might be more difficult in practice.
Blessings in Christ,
-Marshall Jones Jr.
David,
Touché. When I saw just the “hey,” I knew I was dealing with a guy… this time. You and I think too much alike.
As I’ve said before, I don’t come off as an introvert, but I’m totally with you wondering about the point. Introverts, in my experience, think deeper – or at least when they talk, they talk about deeper things. In that sense, I’m very much introverted because I have trouble finding the meaning in the small talk.
This post was aimed at me as much as anyone.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
Nick,
Now that’s bonding – so much more macho than your casual fist bump. Nice… **Chest bump**
-Marshall Jones Jr.
Hey!
This is so a man-post but that’s cool and I don’t even know what bond Christians are, I came here as a result of
A) stuffchristianslike
B) I’m a writer and I’m procrastinating working on my novel because it just might suck.
but good post!
Amanda,
Totally… especially with all these comments.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I’m a Stuff Christians Like fan and a writer/procrastinator too. Keep in touch.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
will do.
I agree. Christians need more conversations. I just have a hard time seeing the sense in the “pointless” ones. Can’t we have more pointed conversations? (male perspective indeed)
Enjoyed the post!
Yes, I’m with you.
If you have to choose between a pointless conversation or no conversation at all, go pointless. But if you can choose between a pointless conversation and a conversation with a point, definitely go pointed. :>)
Thank you for commenting,
-Marshall Jones Jr.
“point” taken
Oh, the joy of irony.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
We come to them thinking, “Where is this going?” We’re constantly wondering, “Is this the point? Is this why I’m having this conversation?”
That’s not just a guy thing. Every time I see “Hey” I (mostly) think. What do they want?
And to answer your comment (from my blog, since I’m already here) No I didn’t see Bon Jovi the other day (I was already in bed, had I known I wouldn’t have been). But I did see the band in concert and it was pretty awesome, one of the best days of my life in college.
Okay, yeah, I knew someone (probably more than someone) would point that out. On the other side, I’m sure there are guys who start off with just “hey.” David (in the comments above) tried.
Bon Jovi: yeah, I’ve never seen them in concert. Sounds fun though. But then again, most concerts sound fun to me.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
Hey!!
haha Hey, Jenn. Broadcast: thanks for reading and leaving your oh-so-telling mark. Love it.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
Bon Jovi definitely rocks, the best rock and roll band in the planet’.”
anti-anti disclaimer:
I think of it as “out the wazoo” as opposed to “up the wazoo” Two very different things indeed!
Hmm… I hadn’t given it much thought. I looked it up, though, and it seems like they’re pretty much the same. One means extremity – the other, excess.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
bondChristian\’s latest: Is &8220ownership&8221 keeping you from serving
good quick research. words are fun.
Marshall, I just discovered your web site recently and must say bravo!! There is nothing quite like it to my knowledge on the net. This is absolutely great. This was instantly refreshing and edifying. It is the kind of teaching the church universal needs. I sense our Lord is going to use you greatly. Thanking God for you right now. Gregory