Evolving in Monkey Town

Sadly, the general story is pretty unoriginal. And I don’t say “sadly” because I want something new – I say it because I wish this general story weren’t so common all over the place. I wish we didn’t have to struggle through all this.

Or maybe I don’t.

I’ve followed Rachel’s blog ever since Renee Johnson interviewed her a few months ago (thanks, Renee). I noticed fairly quickly that Rachel and I disagree on just about every controversial Christian issue out there and reading Evolving in Monkey Town confirmed most of that.

But I didn’t read her blog and book because she agrees with me. I read because she asks good questions, challenges me, and is personally a good example of many Christians right now.

Monkey Town just deepened my appreciation for her in all three of those areas.

Overview

Evolving In Monkey Town: How A Girl Who Knew All The Answers Learned To Ask The Questions didn’t begin the way I assumed it would. I assumed Rachel would start off bringing us into her deep, dark, oppressive, fundamentalist beginnings. No, no – not Rachel.

Rachel starts off with a preface telling us she’s prejudiced and then jumps right into her first chapter, “Why I Am An Evolutionist,” which of course also isn’t what it seems.

It’s actually about evolving faith, not evolving physical organisms. The interesting part about the “evolving faith” business is that it’s all based on a shifting perspective of God. It’s not like God’s actually shifting, just how we’re seeing Him.

Okay, enough with the shiftiness.

After that unexpected (for me) intro, Rachel headed the way I assumed she would. Monkey Town is written in three sections: Habitat, Challenge, and Change. Pretty basic as far as the structure goes, almost exactly what I expected. Not a bad thing.

Habitat

This was the “Here’s where I was” section. She talked about how she won contests for having the best Christian attitude… multiple years in a row. I was never known for my Christian attitude for sure, but many of the other examples mirrored my own experiences.

One passage talked about how a great fish swallowed Jonah, not necessarily a whale, and how Adam and Eve ate some fruit, but it probably wasn’t an apple.

I literally had those exact two examples already in the outline for my own memoir/autobiography. Not that I wasn’t already convinced, but at that point I was totally like, “Okay, Rachel and I have a bit in common… at least in our origins.”

One notable exception: I didn’t know as much about the Scopes Trial as Rachel does.

Challenge

One quote from the book sums this section up perfectly without me even needing to say much more (and it’s not even in the Challenge section):

“I’d gotten so good at critiquing all the fallacies of opposing worldviews, at searching for truth through objective analysis, that it was only a matter of time before I turned the same skeptical eye upon my own faith.” -Rachel Held Evans

Through the Challenge section, Rachel questions many of the big assumptions Christians have, assumptions about…

• Hell
• Who can get to heaven
• How the universe was created
• How to interpret the Bible
• Sexual orientation
• Biblical worldviews
• Absolute truth
• God’s justice
• God’s existence

One example that hit me the hardest was her discussion about people in other countries and how, simply because of when and where they were born, they don’t seem to have much chance of knowing Jesus. Anne Frank’s a good example.

Rachel pointed out that “in Sunday School, they always make hell out to be a place for people like Hitler, not a place for his victims.” She said when she was young, she “prayed diligently for Anne Frank, praying that God would let her out of the lake of fire.”

Makes you think, right?

Change

At last, Rachel gives us all the answers.

Just kidding – no, she doesn’t. She doesn’t even try.

Instead she shares where she’s at now, still evolving, and leaves us to consider the path she’s taken.

I did appreciate that Rachel finally defined healthy doubt and unhealthy doubt in the last chapter:

• Healthy doubt: questioning one’s beliefs
• Unhealthy doubt: questioning God

That helped me tremendously. Am I questioning God, or am I questioning what I think I know about God? And taking that further, what are other people doing, particularly the people I’m trying to help?

Because I can encourage the first kind of doubt but should discourage the second, both for myself and for others.

So that’s the overview. Now I’d like to share some of the thoughts I jotted down as I read (yeah, this is a beast of a post). In honor of Rachel and her love for questions, let me frame them as questions…

What is “belief”?

The way we define “belief” is lame. Usually we assume it’s about knowing something is truth or accurate. For example, saying, “I believe God exists,” just means, “I think it’s true that God exists.”

But belief is much more than that. Belief isn’t intellectual by nature. Part of it is, but part of it is emotional. Rachel does a good job with this.

Isn’t belief comprehensive? Like those cumulative exams in college, doesn’t it requires more than rote memorization. Doesn’t it require the motivation to stay up all night to prepare and the persistence to show up during the three-month process leading up to it?

Isn’t belief about life in general, not just intellect?

What do we assume about others?

Through some parts of Monkey Town, I sensed that if someone gave a quick, one-line answer, Rachel assumed they must not have struggled through the problem on their own. In person, I know Rachel’s much more understanding than that, but I still got that vibe from her book.

So, dear Monkey Town readers, please don’t shift to the other extreme of ridiculousness by assuming that everyone with answers hasn’t struggled through their beliefs. That’s as bad as the fundamentalist notion that those without answers haven’t thought through their beliefs.

Also, never judge a statement someone makes if you haven’t read their autobiography. Twice. I thought I understood where Rachel was coming from on her blog… until I read the book.

More importantly, if I can’t even understand Rachel, why do I think I can understand God?

Can faith survive anything… really?

“If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that faith can survive anything, so long as it’s able to evolve.” -Rachel Held Evans

The contention many Christians might have with this is that if nothing can kill faith, it seems to fall into the same category as Freudian psychology. It seems awful close to saying, “No matter what, we’ll always make something up so we can keep our faith.” That seems just as stubborn as the fundamentalist who won’t allow a specific belief to die.

It’s as though we’re emotionally and socially and culturally attached to faith, but that faith isn’t attached to anything.

Is that what Rachel’s saying? I don’t know, but it could sure seem that way from her book. Perhaps I’m taking it out of context, though.

Logic aside, I have trouble seeing how that quote fits in with what the Bible says. I almost feel bad playing this card, but if I’m choosing between Rachel and the Bible, which should I put my faith in?

Anyway, I would have liked her to flesh that out some more. Perhaps that’s what book #2 is all about.

Overall thoughts

As I read, a strange feeling crept over me, something like, “This is bigger than you thought.” Evolving In Monkey Town goes after those huge questions, not the questions of how I should live as a result of my beliefs but the questions of how I should live until I find out what my beliefs even are.

It’s a youthful story… in the sense that we all want youth, in the sense that anything is possible. I like that.

I also like how she puts emotion back into doctrine. I like that Rachel rips theology out of the textbook and tattoos it on people’s faces. It’s like she’s saying, “There, how’s that feel… when it’s actually attached to a human being, someone you know even?”

I relate to her origins, and I agree that’s not the place to stay. But then we part ways. I like the process she takes in finding answers, but I get different answers.

Once we get through the doctrinal details, though, Rachel returns to what the heart of the book is about: the process of finding answers, better known as questioning. Her conclusion then is about the process of questioning… and I like that conclusion.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) You can buy Rachel’s book here, or check out even more reviews and such on her blog.

(2) What do you think? Rachel’s not the only one with this story (just the one with the book). How can we as Christians help others on this journey? How can we navigate this process ourselves while still managing to serve the Lord?

• Ask yourself these 40 questions to evaluate your premises
• Success = Submission
• Realizing
• Your objections to slavery (and my responses)
• Slavery 101: Fundamentals for slave life

To start off learning this, I wanted to share one of the basic opposites behind bondChristan: the opposite of serving.

Takeaway:

• The opposite of serving is sucking.
• Sucking doesn’t help anyone, not even you.
• Therefore, serving actually helps everyone, even you.

Serving suggestions:

(1) Find out how you suck. How do you take away from people? How are you useless? Where do you make the most mistakes?

(2) Stop sucking. Stop doing things that help no one. Dump that stuff.

• What I’m learning from questions, Monkey Town, and questions about Monkey Town
• Realizing makes things matter
• Ask yourself these 40 questions to evaluate your premises
• What’s your premise? ‘Cause Machiavelli had the right tactics
• Success = Submission

[Warning: this is going to start off all philosophical on you. I'll get practical in a second, though - please stick with me.]

Most truth doesn’t matter.

I mean, it might matter to someone, perhaps even Chloe in the next cubical over, but it doesn’t matter to you.

Take our good friend Pluto, the unofficial planet, again. Whatever truth you know about Pluto probably doesn’t matter to you. If you’re keen on outer space, you might have a slight interest in some of the facts, but in general you seriously don’t care.

But then suddenly, you’re at a party, and – like all good parties – you’re playing some kind of trivia game when lo and behold, you’re asked some dang question about Pluto.

Ahhhhh, you wish Pluto had mattered to you the other day during that TV special.

Which leads us to…

The Realizing Formula

Where X is anything…

Realizing X = making X matter

You didn’t care about Pluto when it was just some truth out there in outer space. But suddenly you care when your trivia reputation is on the line.

When it’s “just some truth,” it has no meaning and therefore doesn’t matter, but when it relates to you, it suddenly does have meaning and therefore does matter to you.

That’s what realizing does. It makes things matter.

The practical side of realizing

In serving others, how often does this come up? How often do we try to help someone care about something they don’t care about? How often are we stuck trying to show our friends why something matters?

For me, it’s all the time. Whether it’s a restaurant I’m recommending or financial advice they should take or any number of other things, I’m almost constantly trying to help someone see why something matters.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” -John 3:16

I’m like, “Dude, you’ve got to get this. Don’t you see why this matters? Don’t you see how this could change your life?”

Because, seriously, physical serving only goes so far. The real heart of serving lies in serving spiritually, and most often that involves helping them realize how meaningful something really is.

There’s so much truth out there that has no meaning to people. They can probably ignore most of it, like the truth about Pluto. But some of it is totally crucial, like God and salvation and heaven and hell.

That’s the benefit of realizing, and that’s why I’m writing this massive article to explain more about how to do it… because realizing is how you and I put meaning into truth.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) I want you to write down one thing that you’ve wanted someone to realize. It doesn’t have to be earth-changing – just something you know should be meaningful to them. We’re going to use this in the next post.

(2) In the past, how have you helped people realize things? Whether what you tried worked or not, share what you’ve tried to help someone see the meaning behind something you knew was important.

• What I’m learning from questions, Monkey Town, and questions about Monkey Town
• The opposite of serving
• Ask yourself these 40 questions to evaluate your premises
• What’s your premise? ‘Cause Machiavelli had the right tactics
• Success = Submission

Your start affects your end (Photo: anvilon)

Earlier, I talked about premises and how important they are in determining the rest of what we do. In this article, I’ve put together a bunch of questions to help dig into some of the premises we have.

This certainly isn’t a comprehensive list of questions, so if you have others you’d like to add, let me know in the comments.

Otherwise, run through some of these to see where your answers take you.

For each question, I think the answer you (honestly) choose will drastically affect your overall motivation and as a result, the daily, practical steps you take in life. While you’re answering, though, don’t worry so much about where you’ll end up – just focus on where you’re starting.

40 questions to help clarify your premises

1. Why do I serve God?

2. Why do I serve others? Do I actually enjoy it, or do I do it because I know I should?

3. Are people basically good or basically bad? Or both?

4. What is a Christian?

5. Why am I a Christian?

6. Should I try to get other people to become Christians? Why?

7. In general, how do I define success? Can I measure it, and if yes, how?

8. What’s most important to me (as measured by the amount of time/energy/resources I put into it)?

9. If I scheduled out my perfect day, what would it look like?

10. At what point do I know to quit what I’m doing to pursue something better?

11. What’s the most important thing I can share with others?

12. Is there an ultimate purpose for everything I do? If yes, what is it?

13. What’s the essential component of a relationship for me? In other words, what does every relationship have to have for it to work?

14. How does sin affect my relationship with God?

15. What am I willing to give up to help someone else?

16. How hard am I willing to work (measured in time and guts) to help someone else?

17. Should my finances reflect God’s will in my life? Do they?

18. How important is doctrine in everyday life?

19. How much authority does the Bible have? Do I try to interpret it to fit my other beliefs outside the Bible, or do I try to interpret it in its own context regardless of my other beliefs?

20. When two people disagree about how the Bible should be interpreted, can both be right? How do I decide who is?

21. How involved is the Holy Spirit in my daily life? How much power can He give me?

22. What’s the purpose of the (Old Testament) Law?

23. What’s the point of baptism… both kinds (water and Holy Spirit)?

24. Do I respect people because they’re respectable or because I just want to respect them regardless?

25. What is the gospel (the “good news”)?

26. Why do I read the Bible?

27. Why is fellowshipping with other Christians important? Or why isn’t it?

28. How important is unity among Christians? How far should I go and how far am I willing to go to preserve it?

29. When should I submit to people even if I don’t agree with them?

30. Do I need to serve others to be a better Christian?

31. Who should help the poor and the widows and the orphans? How does that play out practically?

32. Is doing something to please people a good idea? If yes, when?

33. How much responsibility do I have for the actions I take? How much is God’s responsibility?

34. How is my interaction with Christians different from my interaction with non-Christians? How should it be different?

35. What does “relevant” mean, and how does it affect the way I help and share with others?

36. When is doubt good? When is it bad?

37. What is faith? Truth? Love?

38. Who was/is Jesus?

39. At any particular moment, how do I decide who to serve?

40. How should I find answers to these questions? How should I confirm that the answers are correct?

These are purposely huge questions. Take your time and dig into them. Because your answers here matter… big time.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Here’s what I did: I wrote out each of these questions (you could just print them), and then I answered them one by one. It took a couple weeks, even with just one sentence answers, but it helped me at least clarify my thoughts.

(2) Advanced challenge: add a practical example to each of your answers showing how your answers might apply in a real life situation.

(3) From there, it’s a matter of reviewing these again and again… because knowing intellectually isn’t worth much. It’s a matter of making them a part of who we are.

• People pleasing vs. people pleasing: What’s the difference?
• What I’m learning from questions, Monkey Town, and questions about Monkey Town
• What’s your premise? ‘Cause Machiavelli had the right tactics
• Success = Submission
• What you need to know about asking God what people want

(Photo: Rafael Robles L.)

In 1513, Niccolo Machiavelli wrote a book explaining how a prince should acquire and maintain political power. As you know, the book was called The Prince and remains one of the most controversial books in history because it focused on practical, often ruthless tactics for survival and success.

• He said to build a trustworthy reputation but don’t be trustworthy.
• He said to avoid generosity because it promotes greed.
• He said if you’re going to hurt people, cripple them so they can’t hurt you back.

For all the controversy, it’s one of my favorite books. It asks the difficult questions… and answers them. Machiavelli told it like it is. Pragmatically. Bluntly. Brutally.

Trouble is, Machiavelli started from the wrong premise. He assumed the prince’s primary goal was to help himself. This wasn’t really a mistake – Machiavelli knew his book was for a selfish prince. He knew his audience.

He knew that human nature is selfishness. Machiavelli just took selfishness to its end and gave practical steps to achieve that end, regardless of laws or morals or empathy for others.

Machiavelli started from the wrong perspective, but after that, he was right on.

Which makes me wonder: even if we’re right on with the tactics, are we heading in the right direction? Are we starting the right way? Are our premises correct?

Because if they’re not, it’s going to be really difficult to serve.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Check your premises. What assumptions do you have about God? What assumptions do you have about serving others? Do these assumptions line up with Scripture? Are they healthy?

(2) Change your premises where they don’t line up with God’s word. Your perspective is the most important part of serving others. Once your perspective is right, the tactics follow seemlessly. Unfortunately, it’s also the most difficult part. That’s why you and I need to focus on it so carefully.

• Ask yourself these 40 questions to evaluate your premises
• What you need to know about asking God what people want
• What you need to know about asking yourself what people want
• What you need to know about asking people what they want
• People pleasing vs. people pleasing: What’s the difference?

[If you're in a reader, click through to watch the video.]

Serving Suggestions:

(1) In your vocabulary, equate success with submission. When you talk about being successful in ANYTHING, check to see how you’re measuring that success. Is it based on submission to God or some other metric?

(2) In your lifestyle, equate success with submission. When you do anything to “succeed,” focus on aligning what you want with what God wants and doing that.

—

On Thursday, I’ve got some cool stuff to give away. Be sure to stop by then because I’m thinking the contest is only going to last one day.

• Your objections to slavery (and my responses)
• Slavery 101: Fundamentals for slave life
• What I’m learning from questions, Monkey Town, and questions about Monkey Town
• Ask yourself these 40 questions to evaluate your premises
• Realizing

When pessimism, when optimism? (Photo: VinothChandar(AWAY) )

“Despite everything, I believe that people really are good at heart.” -Anne Frank

As much as I love Anne Frank, she’s wrong – people are bad.

Jesus even called someone out who called Him good because He wanted more clarification:

“So Jesus said to him, ‘Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God.’ ” -Luke 18:19

That’s the approach I take with optimism. In short, no one is good but God.

God’s good

“[M]y God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:19

This is the optimist side of Christianity. God is good, so we know He’s always going to do good things.

• Like keep His promises.
• Like stay with us all the time.
• Like give us eternal life with Him.

This side of optimism is fairly intuitive. The difficulty here is in actually living it out when circumstances don’t feel so peachy.

What’s not so intuitive is the other part…

Everyone’s bad

“[A]ll have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” -Romans 3:23

According to God, that means everyone’s bad.

In context, I think Christians understand this. But without the context, a lot of Christians agree with Anne Frank and most of the rest of the world – they think people are pretty much good.

Why assuming bad is good

Pessimists (they like to call themselves “realists”) think their perspective gives them an edge up because they can plan for bad instead of getting ripped off by it.

In other words, pessimists are pessimists so they won’t be surprised by pain.

Fair enough. I think part of that applies for Christians as well. For example, we shouldn’t be surprised when we hear of school shootings. That’s the natural result of life without God.

But there’s a deeper benefit of assuming everyone’s bad:

We should be pessimistic about people so we’ll be surprised by good.

Optimism vs. pessimism example

Have you ever helped out a homeless person, something simple like chatting for a while?

If you have, you know that homeless guy is probably insanely thankful you took the time. Like falling all over you thankful.

On the other hand, if you’d chatted for an hour with your neighbors, how thankful would they be? They might say thanks, but it’s probably no where near the level of appreciation you received from the homeless guy.

Why pessimists are more thankful

The homeless man didn’t expect anything from you. He assumed you’d ignore him like almost everyone else.

In general, though, the rest of us expect people to act fairly friendly. Chatting with a neighbor isn’t life changing.

So the difference is expectations. The homeless man was pessimistic about you, but you broke that expectation by being friendly. That’s why he was thankful.

Your neighbors, though, were optimistic about you. Their thankfulness level would only change if you did something bad – in that case, it would go down because you’d break their good expectations of you.

So pessimists can be more thankful because for them bad is the default and good is a blessing instead of good being the default.

Why we’re joyful

Overall then, we’re joyful because…

• You and I are bad, but God is good, so when He blesses us, we’re thankful because we know we don’t deserve it.
• Everyone else is bad, so we expect the worst but are thankful for the best.

We’re optimistic about God but not anyone else. [For more on this perspective, check Rights vs. Privileges.]

So listen, Anne Frank and everyone else who thinks people are basically good, you’re not giving yourself a happier attitude – you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

You actually experience a happier attitude when you assume everyone’s bad because then you’re insanely thankful when God works through them to do good.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) This is one of those perspectives that’s difficult to understand until you try it. So that’s my suggestion. Try it… even for only a day. Are you more thankful when you’re assume the best or assume the worst?

(2) Beyond the practical benefits of increased thankfulness, which is more accurate? From a biblical perspective, are people basically good or bad? I think the Bible is clear on the answer, so I encourage you to study it for yourself to immerse yourself in this perspective.

• Keeping a bite-sized list to help you refocus and WANT to serve others
• Top 10 reasons to become a slave
• What I’m learning from questions, Monkey Town, and questions about Monkey Town
• The opposite of serving
• Realizing makes things matter

(Photo: doug88888)

God wants us to know what He wants, and He particularly loves when we ask how to serve others. Serving is part of God’s nature, so when we ask how to do it, He sees us becoming more like Him.

As He told Solomon…

“Because you have asked this thing… behold, I have done according to your words; see, I have given you a wise and understanding heart…” -1 Kings 3:11-12

It’s really just a matter of asking… then listening. Then following-through with what He says.

Maybe it’s not all peaches – asking and listening and acting are tough – but the benefits are amazing. This article explains some of these advantages and disadvantages of asking God what people want.

Advantages of asking God

1. He’s right.

Okay, let’s face it – this is an amazing opportunity. We’re talking about the creator of the universe here, and He’s going to tell us what people want. If there’s one advantage of getting God’s advice, this is it.

2. He’s available.

God speaks in a ton of different ways: through people, the Bible, nature, circumstances, and prayer to give a few examples. You won’t always have all of these available, but God Himself is always available.

3. You have to trust because you won’t always understand.

This is an advantage because it brings you closer to God. When you ask yourself or others, you can often slip into independence mode where you don’t need God because you have it all figured out. Asking God totally throws you back into dependence mode.

Disadvantages of asking God

1. You have to trust because you won’t always understand.

This is a disadvantage because it goes directly against what your selfish nature wants to do. If you don’t understand, sometimes you’ll misinterpret what God wants because your own perspective will distort God’s message. In other words, it’s easy to pass our own thoughts off as God’s when we don’t trust Him in our lack of understanding.

2. You have to know how to listen.

God’s not one to give tips and methods. He much prefers the relationship model: you know Him so well that you know what He wants (rather than a method where you know the steps so well that you know what to do). This can be aggravating when you just start learning… and after you’ve been at it a while.

3. It’s difficult to follow-through.

This is the #1 disadvantage that can ruin everything. When it comes down to it, the biggest problem with asking God is following-through with His response. Sometimes we won’t understand, or we’ll miss what He’s saying. Most times, though – like over 90% of the time – we know what He’s saying, but we just don’t obey.

Overall…

This approach to finding out what people want is good because it’s God’s always right – the hard part is following through with what He says. Remembering this, though, will help you confront this problem head on and use God’s help more effectively.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) These go back to the Serving Suggestions for the first part of the series. The first one is to get involved. Know God. Here’s my default advice for doing that.

(2) And the second, of course, is to become aware. Pay attention to how God uses others to serve. Pay attention to what God gives others. Pay attention to how He wants you to serve.

(3) Read the next part of this series: 37 solid strategies to find out what they want.

• Ask yourself these 40 questions to evaluate your premises
• What’s your premise? ‘Cause Machiavelli had the right tactics
• What you need to know about asking yourself what people want
• What you need to know about asking people what they want
• People pleasing vs. people pleasing: What’s the difference?

I recorded the video first take this morning at about 1:00 am. I always feel like an idiot when I listen to myself speak like this because I get nervous and start saying, “Um, ya know, right?” Like seven hundred times.

Enough with the disclaimers, though. I’m serious about this, even though “forget the youth” is probably a bit sarcastic. What do you think?

[Note: If you're in an RSS reader or email, click through to watch.]

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Today, right now in fact, connect with someone who’s elderly. Reach out to them. They’re usually starved for attention.

(2) And I’m not just saying this because I think elderly people are hopeless. I’m saying this because I think they provide an excellent opportunity for the rest of us to mature way, way quicker and learn how to serve. Go pick up some wisdom.

• What I’m learning from questions, Monkey Town, and questions about Monkey Town
• Teaching kids (and yourself) to share
• Off-season serving
• The opposite of serving
• Realizing makes things matter

(Photo: doug88888)

One of the most famous commandments in the Bible tells us to use ourselves as a standard for how to serve others:

“For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ ” -Galatians 5:14

I’m sure we all try to live by that standard, but I don’t think we exploit the principle to anywhere near its potential.

Putting it in a different context, I like to sum it up by saying, “If you want something, give that something.” Because if you want it, others are bound to want it too.

Two small, personal examples of how I’ve applied this:

• It motivated me to start interviewing, guest posting, and commenting more often.
• It’s  how I developed the whole “How to be interesting” series.

Anyway, all of this relies on asking and studying yourself and what you want to find out what other people want. This article explains some of the advantages and disadvantages doing that.

Advantages of asking yourself

1. You’re always available.

You don’t have to hunt for someone to ask or even make much of an appointment. You can almost always take a few moments (or longer) to consider what others might want.

2. You can feel the want.

With other methods, you have to trust what someone’s saying. When you ask yourself, you usually know what it feels like to have a particular want. This helps when it comes time to serve because you’ll have more motivation if you genuinely empathize with others.

3. You’re usually right in general terms.

You know what, say, security feels like and know what it’s like to want things like that. If you want those things, you can usually guarantee that others want them too. In fact, I’d go specific too, like give them specifically what you want until you know for sure they don’t want it.

Disadvantages of asking yourself

1. You can be wrong about details.

Sometimes, often times even, your own specific desires won’t align with others. You might not always know the specifics, like if someone wants to learn to paint pictures of daisies for a living. That’s pretty specific.

2. You have to indirectly apply what you want to others.

Even if you’re right, applying what you want to someone else is difficult. For example, just because you want security or specifically to pay off your house, what does that look like for someone else? How do you go about paying off that house for someone else? These questions are difficult enough to answer for yourself.

3. You can be influenced by selfishness.

Sure, this might also happen if you listen to others, but usually you can see through their selfishness. The problem is your own selfishness. Your own selfishness can blind you into pursuing something in the name of serving others when really it’s something you want and you’re using others to accomplish it.

Overall…

This indirect approach to finding out what people want is good because it’s personal and often provides massive motivation even though it usually needs to be refined with other methods. Understanding the strengths and weaknesses, though, will help you know when and how to use it most effectively.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Be aware of your own desires. What do you really want? Not just the toys… what would really make you happy? As (almost) always, I’d suggest writing some of these down to force yourself to get extra clear on them.

(2) Now transpose what you want onto someone else. How can you give them what you want to get? How would it manifest for them? Write these down too and review often.

(3) Read the next part of the series: What you need to know about asking God what people want.

• Ask yourself these 40 questions to evaluate your premises
• What’s your premise? ‘Cause Machiavelli had the right tactics
• What you need to know about asking God what people want
• What you need to know about asking people what they want
• People pleasing vs. people pleasing: What’s the difference?