bondChristian » perspective

I thought I dedicated my life to God—until I measured it

Marshall Jones Jr. — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 13:42:21 +0000

As a bondChristian, I’m called to accept Jesus not just as my Savior but also as my Lord. That’s easy for me to claim, but does my life reflect that? How have I dedicated my live?

The measurements are scary, and not in a good way.

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Takeaway:

How much money do you make? What percentage of that goes directly back to serving God?
There are 168 hours in each week. What percentage of your week goes directly back to serving God?
What do you own? How much of that goes directly toward serving the Lord?
How many friends to do you have? How many of those connections directly serving God?

Serving Suggestions:

(1) How can you change those percentages? How would your life have to change in order to move from, say, 10% to 60% or from 40% to 80%?

(2) Take it one at a time. Choose the one area that motivates you the most, the area where you can see the most immediate progress, and get started. More on the practical side soon.

Sharing the meaning of life – with Mikey Robinson

Marshall Jones Jr. — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 12:38:22 +0000

I’m a philosopher by nature and education. Like pretty much every ancient Greek I know, I love the idea of getting together in a public setting, maybe around a meal, to talk about life, beliefs, and all the questions in between them.

On the other hand, I’m a Christian by birth and persuasion. Like the first century disciples, I enjoy studying Jesus’s examples and seeing how I can apply them to everyday life.

So what if you combined the deepness – for lack of a better word – of philosophy meetings with the foundation of the Bible, God’s Word? I’m all over that.

Enter the Alpha Course.

The Alpha Course is for people who might not necessarily go to church but are still interested in trying to answer deep questions. The course gives an overview, in 10 sessions, of what the Bible is all about while trying to answer some of those deep questions, or at least point in the right direction.

I say all this because… well, first off, because I’m a fan of these kinds of courses. But secondly, because I connected with Mikey Robinson who blogs and helps run the Think Alpha website. He actually reached out to me first but then agreed to do an interview here to explain more about what he does and – more importantly – to help us share the meaning of life with others.

Here’s the interview…

*****

Marshall: So, Mikey, how did you get involved with the Alpha Course? What attracted you to it?

Mikey: I was aware of it for a number of years before I got involved in helping with Alpha. I arrived in London a couple of years ago, and one of the first things I felt I should do is an Alpha course. I volunteered to help cook or be in a group, but ended up leading one. It was definitely a steep learning curve, but one of the best things I’ve ever done.

Marshall: I bet. What are some of the most common questions people ask in the course?

Mikey: Each week raises a whole lot of new questions. Personally, I’ve found that depending on a person’s prior knowledge the questions can be quite wide ranging. Some of the most common are who exactly is Jesus and if He is God as He claims, why God lets bad things happen, and who is the Holy Spirit.

Marshall: I think that’s one of the toughest parts of sharing with others, figuring out what they believe already so I can respond appropriately. Do you have any tips for quickly getting to understand where others are at? Like how can we find out what assumptions they’re bringing to the conversation?

Mikey: That’s a tricky one. I don’t personally have any miracle short cuts, but what I found works best is listening, and building friendships, and making sure that you always do this FIRST before you even think about saying what you think, and this is what you can expect on an Alpha course – friends and people who listen. At some point in the process hopefully you get better at noticing the subtleties of how they react (body language, tone, etc). I know I so often fail to listen, and this is something I consciously work on.

Marshall: I’m with you there. Not everyone’s going to join a course, though, or initiate these big questions to give us a chance to listen. So how can Christians help others discover the meaning of life, on a practical level?

Mikey: A great question, and one which is best answered by others wiser than myself. I find that the best way to help others discover the meaning of life is often the simplest, that is to live it. I’ve found that when your life is filled of meaning, others will notice.

Marshall: What does a life filled of meaning look like, compared to one without meaning? For instance, what are maybe a few ways you try to live that out personally?

Mikey: I don’t know if this is the question that needs to be asked here. Everyone finds meaning in their lives, as I mentioned in this article about the Meaning of Life.

I’ve found that in my life if I focus on living my life filled with joy, it will make people curious, and is extremely satisfying and fulfilling. I’ve found (by trial and error) that joy is a distinctly different concept to happiness. Happiness is doing what you want. Joy is doing what God wants, and His way is better because he wants what is best for me.

For me, this is a process, a balancing act, and a life work. Psalm 16:11 says that “in His presence is fullness of joy” so first up, I want to learn how to remain in His presence, and then it’s finding what you’ve been made to do, doing it with all your heart, and loving the people around you with that same devotion.

Marshall: Wow, thanks for sharing that. Let’s shift focus. Can you share a specific example of something amazing that’s happened through Think Alpha, the blog?

Mikey: Personally, I find it amazing every time someone hits our Facebook page and website, and finds a course near them. I mean, it’s no small feat going to all that effort to find out more about God. You’ve got to really want it.

Marshall: Yeah, definitely. I’m constantly amazed too with not only how far but how deeply the Internet can reach. About that, what do you think is coming in the future with the way Christians interact with the Internet?

Mikey: I think particularly with Web 2.0, it gives us a great opportunity. We get a chance to get a lot more personal with people in our audience, and if we create content right, access to their friends as well. I suspect that there is a lot in store in this regard.

Marshall: What are some ways to create content right? What are your suggestions?

Mikey: Again, I think it’s primarily about listening. Most bloggers write about what they’re interested in. Which can be fun, but less relevant, and hence less read and shared. If you learn how to write great headlines and great articles about things that people are interested in, they’ll read it.

I try and write stuff people want to share, which means asking the question, “How is this going to make their lives better.”

Marshall: As regular readers might have noticed, I’m a big fan of all things online. But what about those who aren’t on Facebook every day or don’t have their own blog and so on? How can they get involved?

Mikey: This is pretty common among Christians, as we’re often tech laggards (late adopters of new technology). With web 2.0, we see a gaping opportunity to harness connections between people that we would otherwise never reach. So I’d say “get on board”!

I think this means that we all have a responsibility to learn how to use it better. A good place to start is learning how to share things on Facebook, email, and Twitter.

Marshall: All right, to wrap this up, what would you say Think Alpha’s main mission is, and how can bondChristians help, online and offline?

Mikey: ThinkAlpha itself really isn’t a brand as it’s purpose is to target keywords in Google that are related to people searching for answers and to create content that people will want to share with their friends asking these questions.

As far as bondChristians helping, at the moment, any feedback as to what they would find useful would be great, particularly things they would share and use online. If you have any ideas for E-books, PDF downloads, videos etc, it would be awesome if you could drop us a line.

Marshall: Will do. Thanks so much for your time and insight, Mikey. I really appreciate it and think readers will too.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Check out Think Alpha where Mikey blogs. When you find something you like, share it with your friends. It’s good practice.

(2) As Mikey said, let him know if you have any ideas or suggestions on things that would be useful or spreadable or just plain awesome.

(3) How can you share, by example, the meaning of life? What are some things you can do that are different from what you might otherwise do if you had a different purpose or a different meaning to life? Start a list of ways and then check one off today.

Becoming child-like: How to forget worrying and live now

Marshall Jones Jr. — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 23:08:19 +0000

(Photo: Ana_Cotta)

Children have an amazing ability to anticipate.

They’ll count down to their birthday months ahead of time. Or from the backseat of the van, “Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” Or if you tell them you might bake some cookies, you sure better. They won’t let you forget.

With all that anticipation, though, they don’t really plan well. They get distracted by whatever’s happening at the moment. They forget where they’re going.

…because they love what’s happening now.

In fact, we often say that a person’s ability to persist through distractions is a measure of their maturity. The ability to focus on the future is what separates adults from kids.

I’d like to bring those back together, though, see if we can un-separate them. I love seeing anticipation in the eyes of little children. I’m thinking maybe you and I could copy some of that instead of planning so much.

On planning ahead

Remember when God provided for the (ahem) children of Israel in the desert by sending them manna? God sent flakes of bread from the sky each morning with instructions for everyone to collect enough for one day only. Some of the people of course disobeyed and learned the hard way that manna spoils overnight.

What’s up with that?

I mean, why did God send them bread that would spoil so quickly? Surely He could have sent something that lasted at least a few days, right? Like on Fridays, right before the Sabbath day of rest, God told them to gather enough for two days, and – what do you know! – the manna didn’t spoil then.

No, God knew what He was doing. The manna spoiled on purpose. God wanted the Israelites to learn to trust Him each day, a lesson Jesus echoed hundreds of years later:

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” -Matthew 6:34

What a liberating lesson! And Jesus did more than preach it…

When children wanted to climb onto Jesus’s lap, the disciples told them to scram. Why don’t we let Jesus rest so He can share more later? But Jesus wasn’t about that.
When Mary wanted to sit and listen to Jesus, Martha wanted to hurry about, preparing the meal. Why don’t we cook now so the food will be ready in time? Jesus wasn’t about that at all.
When the woman wanted to dump expensive oil all over Jesus’s feet, everyone wanted her to save it. Why don’t we sell it and give the profit to the poor? Jesus wasn’t about that either.

It’s not that Jesus hated planning. It’s that He loved being present. He wanted to interact with whatever was happening at the moment. Plans can wait. Now can’t.

Jesus enjoyed now. He wasn’t worried about later. Just like a child.

We’re not like that, not usually.

Why we worry

Worry is a result of uncertainty, bad uncertainty. Like those scary movies. The scary parts are when you don’t know what’s going to happen, the suspense, little Miss Whoever in the dark hallway. We get anxious when there’s a chance it could be bad.

That’s what the future is: uncertainty, a type of suspense. When we look into the future, or try to, we end up worrying because it’s unknown to us.

We think we’re being cautious. We think we’re being responsible. But it’s mostly a disguise for our desire to control things. Why do you plan ahead? Why do you prepare? Why do you worry? Isn’t it so you can control the outcome?

Kids know they can’t do much about what happens next. Their parents will feed them, clothe them, and probably even tuck them into bed. Children, young ones anyway, accept that.

As we get older, though, we don’t accept what happens. We want to control it. That’s how the worry creeps in. Because a) we’re not trusting God, and b) we’re not appreciating what we have.

How to stop worrying

The simple answer is to start living now. Children get that. Problem is, you and I don’t know how to live now. Try it even for a second – you’ll see what I mean.

Take a moment to try to think of nothing else except what you’re feeling right now. How does it feel to sit where you’re sitting? Where are your hands resting? What happens if you close your eyes? What do you hear?
Don’t let your thoughts wonder to any other part of the day: not the past, not the future.
Don’t let your thoughts wonder to any other place either. Sometimes, instead of thinking about what did or will happen, your mind will try to think about what’s currently happening somewhere else. Are those cookies burning?

Frankly, the first thing that comes to mind when I try this is some Tibetan monk on a mat in front of a window, meditating. I think, I can’t do this. This isn’t me. I’m not even a Buddhist.

In other words, just focusing hard enough doesn’t it do it for me. Instead, I dig the Philippians 4:6 Approach…

The Philippians 4:6 Approach to anxiety

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God…” -Philippians 4:6

Let’s break this down:

“Be anxious for nothing”: In case it wasn’t clear enough, it’s spelled out here. How much is nothing?
“But in everything by prayer and supplication”: God wants us talking with Him, constantly. When we’re aligned with His personality, we can’t worry… because He doesn’t. The more we understand Him, the more we trust Him.
“With thanksgiving”: Talk about being present. Instead of thinking ahead or even looking back, consider what you’re grateful for right now. What can you appreciate?
“Let your requests be made known to God”: With that mindset of appreciation and desire for communication, tell God what you want.

And look at the promise:

“…and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:7

The Bible doesn’t say God will give us what we want, but it does say He’ll give us the peace we need.

That’s why we can have child-like anticipation. The God of the universe, the God who got Himself killed for you, is certainly going to take care of your tomorrow.

“Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” -Matthew 5:26

So don’t worry about tomorrow. Don’t be anxious about the future. Be ridiculously thankful. Appreciate everything. Enjoy now.

Like children.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Value what’s happening now more than what’s happening later. The opportunities to put this into practice are almost endless. For example, when you’re talking with someone, listen to what they’re saying instead of planning how you’ll respond. Or if someone asks you to do something for them, do it now instead of continuing with your pre-made agenda.

(2) How do you value what’s happening now? By being thankful. I linked to a post about this up above, but in case you didn’t check it out, here it is again. Start appreciating things.

(2) Some things that grab your attention are distractions. That’s what worries everyone about “not planning.” Don’t confuse those distractions, though, with what’s important. You’re not preparing as much, but that’s not so you can waste time on trivial stuff. Do what’s important for right now… right now. Just spend less time planning it.

Becoming child-like: How to play

Marshall Jones Jr. — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 22:00:40 +0000

Children like to play. Now you’d think that that would be a universal, human trait. Playfulness seems so close to happiness. In reality, though, most of us don’t play, except kids.

(Photo: epSos.de)

I’d like to copy these kids. You?

This is what I did. First, I brainstormed some words that I associate with playfulness. This is what I came up with:

Humorous
Energetic
Smiling
Laughing
Carefree
Festive
Positive
Lighthearted
Spontaneous
Fun

To me, that sounds pretty awesome. And it sounds pretty childish too, in a good way. Your list might be a little different, but let’s see if we can distill some of this down to something that can help you and I become more playful.

Playfulness is interested in feeling fun

Your list, my list… it doesn’t matter. All of it centers on feeling fun. Smiles and laughter are expressions of joy. Other words – like carefree, positive, lighthearted, and spontaneous – hint at the type of attitude that allows for playfulness. Finally, you have others that point to specific things kids (anyone, really) do when they’re playful: they joke around, like everything is a game or a party, with tons of energy.

So you have three things, and they all contribute to playfulness:

Attitude
Actions
Expressions

I was watching a friend’s son the other day play with a toy Piggy Bank. He would stick the extra large, multicolored coins into the extra large slot on the top of the bank. The pig would fill up, and then we would take out the coins and do it again. No big deal. But this kid was having a blast, smiling, inserting the coins as fast as his little hands would let him.

I think too often when you and I, grownups, try to play, we only focus on part of playfulness. Maybe we’ll get the actions down, playing Hide-N-Seek, but forget to giggle while trying to hide. Or we’ll want to have fun but feel too self-conscious to let it all hang out on the living room, dance floor.

Playfulness is just that: the courage to embrace all of it, the attitude, the actions, and the expressions. It’s going all in to have fun, forgetting our serious self-image. Kids do that by nature. The rest of us have to relearn it.

And here’s why…

Playfulness is NOT interested in productivity

Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, we learned that productivity is king. Sacrificing present fun for future rewards, that’s the mark of maturity. How can we accomplish as much as possible in the least amount of time with the least amount of effort?

Kids don’t get that. If you ask a young child what she did today, she could totally tell you:

I helped mother sew ribbons onto my ballet shoes.
I drew daddy a picture of a pony.
I played hopscotch with Bethany.

But if you ask her what she accomplished, she’ll probably hesitate. Most young children don’t know what accomplishment means. Even if they answer, they’ll usually mention an accomplishment that will mean absolutely nothing the next day, even to them.

Sure, the ribbons on the ballet shoes might come in handy next week, but you can almost guarantee that’s not why she cared about the project.

Nah, she cared because she enjoyed helping her mom. That’s fun, especially when it involves sewing and ballet. When she was drawing that pony, she didn’t try to conserve blue crayon. She was just playing.

I like that.

So now to learn it.

How to learn playfulness

Let’s take it in steps:

Understand what playfulness is
Understand the motivation for playfulness
Understand what playfulness feels like
Understand how to act playful

We’ve already covered a little about what playfulness is, so let’s get into how to apply it in our own lives.

The motivation for playfulness: If you’re pessimistic about life in general, you’ll assume it’s impossible to have fun all the time. Young kids don’t think that. They might realize life isn’t always fun, but they still think it can be. For them, living on ice cream at Disneyland is still possible. For you and I to fully embrace playfulness in our lives, we have to believe it’s possible. We have to be so insanely thankful that we know satisfaction is possible. Most adults, including me, don’t know that, not completely.
The feeling of playfulness: Giddiness. That’s the best word I can come up with to describe the feeling. It’s like when you’ve had a little too much coffee and sugar, not jittery yet, but where you’re like, “I’ve got to do something. Let’s do something. What do you want to do?” It’s a paradox. You’re so satisfied that you want to change it. Or, really, you want to share it. Nothing is serious. Everything is a game, and you want everyone to join in.
Playfulness in action: Once you have those first two parts, the motivation behind you and the feeling inside, the rest is easy. It’s basically whatever happens. That’s why it’s so spontaneous. For instance, try doing something that gets you absolutely nowhere. Do something, not nothing, but still get nowhere and enjoy it. That’s playfulness.

It starts with gratitude, builds into giddiness, and finally expresses itself in spontaneity. If you try to be spontaneous without the giddiness, it doesn’t work. If you try to be giddy without the gratitude, it doesn’t work. You need all three parts in the correct order.

That’s why we mess it up so badly. We try to play Hide-N-Seek without the joy that motivates it. We go into it without any fun and then turn around and say, “Hey, look… this isn’t any fun.” You can try all the tactics in the world – always smile, laugh with everyone, make eye contact – but without the starting point, it all falls flat.

Children don’t have to understand this. It’s built into them. But the rest of us, as I said before, have to relearn it. Thankfully, it’s not that hard. Sometimes, it’s as easy as giving ourselves permission.

…permission to not be productive.

…permission to have fun.

…permission to be a kid.

“A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones.” -Proverbs 17:22

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Hang out with people who are ridiculously thankful. Pay attention to what they appreciate. Copy that.

(2) Hang out with kids. Let them play with you, jump on you, run with you. They’ll rub off on you if you let them.

(3) As you’re going through your daily habits, ask yourself, “How can I do this playfully? Or how would I do this if I felt playful?” Better yet, “What would a kid do?”

Becoming child-like: Are we?

Marshall Jones Jr. — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 23:15:09 +0000

(Photo: notsogoodphotography)

Have you ever thought about how different you are now compared to when you were as a kid?

I’m the oldest of four brothers and one sister. So I’ve had the wonderful experience of being around kids most of my life.

Right when I thought I was growing out of it too, I volunteered to teach a children’s ministry class. I’ve been doing that ever since. I love it.

Anyway, one thing I’ve noticed – and I’m sure you have too – is that even though kids look a little like the rest of us, just littler, they think totally differently.

Children pretty much just want to have fun. They’re always exploring, always curious.
Children don’t know how to plan well, and they can barely remember anything.
Children get scared easily but not of things that scare most of us. And they never worry.
Children don’t know how to lie or even when to try.
Children trust people, sometimes too much.
Children don’t know how to do many things for themselves, so they stick to copying big people.

Over the next few weeks, I’d like to write more about these differences. Before we get into all that, though, what about the Why question?

Why care how children think and act? What makes their perspective special for us?

“Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God…” -1 John 3:1

Throughout the Bible, God calls us His children. The metaphor is built right into Christianity. The children of Israel are God’s chosen people, and the rest of us – the Gentiles – have an opportunity to be adopted into the family.

I think this is awesome, but most of that is because of who God is. Like the cool thing about being a child of God is not that I’m a child but that I’m God’s. It’s an identity thing. As children of God, our identity is tied to His. We even get to inherit His blessing because of it.

“The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.” -Romans 8:16-17

Amazing, but that’s only one side of the equation.

In the Gospels, Jesus seems particularly interested in children, not just children of God but children in general.

“Then they also brought infants to Him that He might touch them; but when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them to Him and said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” -Luke 18:15-17

That’s a ridiculously strong statement, but we usually gloss over it like all the other metaphors we don’t really get. Think about it: “Whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” That’s why we better pay attention. It’s how we’re told to receive the kingdom of God.

So the next question then is…

How can you and I receive the kingdom of God as a little child?

“Then a dispute arose among [the disciples] as to which of them would be greatest. And Jesus, perceiving the thought of their heart, took a little child and set him by Him, and said to them, ‘Whoever receives this little child in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me receives Him who sent Me. For he who is least among you all will be great.’ ” -Luke 9:46-48

If you want the general answer, that’s it: the least will be great. That’s what this site is all about, becoming least. And while slaves sometimes have to learn to be least, children are least by nature. That’s why I think you and I can learn so much by exploring what it means to be child-like.

As Christians, we’ve heard all this. We’ve heard it so often it’s become a cliche. We know children are an extra special gift from God, all that jazz. But as Christians, how are we – in practical terms – patterning our lives after the children around us?

I’m not talking about taking our eyes off Jesus. I’m not talking about focusing on principles, like the principles of how children think and behave. I’m talking about looking to kids for an example of how to relate to the kingdom of God. They seem to have it down, and Jesus even acknowledged this. But when was the last time you and I actually made it a point to observe children to learn anything from them, especially anything spiritual?

That’s what I’d like to flesh out over the next few weeks here. What can we learn from children, and how can we receive them?

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Why do you think Jesus wanted us to receive the kingdom of God like children?

(2) What are some practical ways we can do that?

Living for something greater than yourself

Marshall Jones Jr. — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 22:55:26 +0000

We all do it. It’s just a matter of deciding how.

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Serving Suggestions:

(1) What are you living for?

(2) If you were to devote your entire life to one thing, how would your life change?

(3) Of the things you already do now, how many point explicitly to the one thing you want to live for?

Suspending judgment: 3 reasons and 3 ways to start

Marshall Jones Jr. — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 21:00:23 +0000

(Photo: Jayel Aheram)

Through high school, a close friend of mine wanted to join the military. He loved guns and explosives and all that cool stuff. After high school, I jumped straight into college, but my friend didn’t jump straight into the military.

Instead, he got a couple of jobs he didn’t enjoy and started dating a bunch of girls he didn’t know too well.

At this point, I’m thinking, Come on – what happened to our dreams? What happened to being amazing? What happened to doing what we love and what matters?

The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized I was just being a stick in the mud. I was doing exactly what other people had done to me by forcing expectations on my friend. I didn’t like it done to me, and my friend didn’t like it done to him.

All of us have been accused of judging others, whether it’s implied or actually said out loud. Often, we’d love to take that “judge not” advice, but it’s hard. The mechanics of actually not judging are pretty tough to pin down.

To get any sense of how to do it, I think it helps to start by understanding why to suspend judgment in the first place. So here are three reasons…

1. To understand others

If we automatically try to judge what others are saying and doing, we can’t understand them. We might accurately assume they’re wrong or right, but we won’t know why they choose that path or why we might end up choosing that path… unless we first suspend judgment.

2. To connect with others

The more you and I understand others and relate to them, the stronger our connection to them becomes. We begin to feel what they feel, not just think what they think. And they’ll start responding the same way.

3. To not be judged

First off, the less you judge others, the more receptive they’ll be to what you say and do. As an influencer, this is crucial. Secondly, though, Jesus clearly says that those who judge will be judged in return. So from a selfish perspective, it just makes sense to be as gracious as possible.

“For I have given you an example , that you should do as I have done to you.” -John 13:15

Okay, okay. You hear this all the time, right? Matthew 7:1 is the only verse your unsaved friends know. The question is, how do we actually do this in practice? How do we NOT judge? Here are three ideas that help me…

1. Think of judgment as evaluation

“Judgment” is a stiff, archaic, legal word. I don’t really get it. So to help bring it into context, I like thinking of judgment as evaluation.

Judgment, to me, implies sentencing and punishment. I don’t consciously do that to people every day. But evaluation… evaluation, to me, implies measurement and assessment or simply finding the value of something. I do that all the time. Do you?

I’ve found that by replacing judgment with evaluation in my mind, I’m able to get a better handle on it and as a result catch myself when it comes up.

2. Understand that people are not their perspective

Many Christians claim to love people but not necessarily what they do. I think that’s an excellent start, but it doesn’t go far enough. It’s true that you and I evaluate people based on what they do, but it’s also true that we evaluate them based on what they think. Consider…

We’re patient with actions but not with beliefs.
We’re patient with sin but not with the desire to sin.
We’re patient with stupidity but not with people who want to stay that way.

In order to suspend judgment, don’t you and I need to move to that next level? Isn’t that what it’s all about, suspending judgment on what people think, not just what they do?

I think so. And I think the best way to do that is to recognize that people are independent of their perspectives. So to actually make that happen…

3. Ask why would I, not why should they

You’re putting yourself in their position, while switching the focus from morality to motivation. You can do this out loud in your conversation, or you can just do it in your head. For example…

Evaluating question: “As Christians, why should (or shouldn’t) they call homosexuality a sin?”
Understanding question: “As a Christian, why would (or wouldn’t) I call homosexuality a sin?”

[Insert your own examples if that one doesn't work well for you.]

Whatever the situation, that second kind of question is much harder to ask and even harder to answer honestly, but it’s the kind you’ll learn the most from. Because as you’ll notice, you can debate whether positions are right or wrong, but every, single one has a valid motivation behind it.

To see what I mean, let’s return to the story at the beginning…

An example of suspending judgment

When I realized I had been evaluating my friend, I decided instead to step back to try to understand him. Why would I do what he’s doing? What would motivate me to do that? What’s he feeling? Of course, that’s when it became really obvious why I would.

See, my friend and I, even though we grew up together, have different perspectives on life, more different than I originally thought. As a result, when his took him down a path than I didn’t expect (or want), I immediately assumed he was making bad decisions.

My friend thinks working crazy hours builds success.
My friend assumes a large bank account guarantees security.
My friend hopes that one of his random dates will care deeply about him.

I don’t agree with any of those approaches to life, but those are judgments so that’s not the point. Now I’m trying to understand his motivation, and I’m realizing that it’s similar to mine. Who knew, right? He feels what I feel. It’s just that he acts on those feelings differently than I would because of his perspective on life.

In a general sense, he wants people to care about him, same as me.

I wish I could say he and I are buddy buddies now, but that’s not true. The story is just to highlight how learning to suspend judgment helped me understand my friend and pointed me toward connecting with him instead of continuing to separate.

And I think the same could apply to you.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Don’t think in terms of good and bad at first. Instead, think in terms of motivation: why does this person think or act this way?

(2) When you’re talking about an issue with someone, focus on the perspective, not the person. Sometimes, this is as simple as asking, “Why does your belief work like that?” instead of, “Why do you think that?” By sectioning off the belief, it’s easier for both of you to discuss it from an outside perspective without directly attacking each other. Subtleties like this can go a long way.

What’s the hardest part of missionary life? Being forgotten?

Marshall Jones Jr. — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 17:34:25 +0000

(Photo: martingreffe)

The other day, I read through some answers, given by missionaries, to the question, “What’s the hardest thing about life as a missionary?” I’ve said before that I’d rather be hated than forgotten, so this response immediately grabbed me:

A. Being forgotten.

When I left for the field, I predicted we would be forgotten within six months. I was wrong. It was two months. Except for an occasional email directed to the entire Church, we received an email here and there. Birthdays and anniversaries were forgotten.

Even though we sent updates via email every month, very few people responded to them.

My emotions were already cracking at this point, but he continued…

That was my thing, but perhaps God knew that I was a people person and required a feeling of loyalty and support. Perhaps by not getting it, He taught me to depend only on Him. It worked! We have a great ministry. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!

Wow, what an amazing testimony. I love learning about dependence on God. I don’t always like the day to day struggle of being dependent, but when God helps me step back for the bigger perspective, I know He loves working this way.

As I thought more about this simple answer and how similar it sounded to some of my own experience, my eyes landed on the small, gray type below the post:

Answer from Jack, who has served in the Philippines for 37 years.

And that’s when I lost it.

Or found it.

The hardest part about being a missionary isn’t being forgotten – it’s learning to depend on God.

Even for 37 years.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Don’t forget the people who are serving. Appreciate them. Maybe send them an email or even a hand-written letter… regularly, not just once.

(2) How do you learn dependence when no one else remembers you? Is it just sink or swim, give or give up? Or can we engage God in a way that helps us stay focused on Him despite a lack of support from others?

22 types of baggage to consider dumping

Marshall Jones Jr. — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 21:36:36 +0000

(Photo: cdharrison)

Each of us have a lot of stuff. Loads of stuff. Lots of loads of stuff, really.

And I’m not just talking physical stuff, like the stuff you have to rent a U-Haul for. No, I’m going much further than that.

In the Gospels, Jesus sent out His twelve disciples with His blessing but not much else:

“He commanded them to take nothing for the journey except a staff—no bag, no bread, no copper in their money belts—but to wear sandals, and not to put on two tunics.” -Mark 6:8-9

These passages have hit me more and more lately. I don’t see Christians following this example. We generally go with the “Better come prepared” approach than the “The Lord will provide” approach.

Looking at my life alone, I don’t feel like I’m on a journey. I feel like, with all the stuff I’ve accumulated, I’m not moving. Sorry, God, I’m not available.

So one by one, piece by piece, tough decision by tough decision, I’m trying to purge stuff from my life. Let me share some ideas with you, some of the types of baggage I’ve noticed…

1. Trinkets

Stuff you just have around for sentimental value. This is the first stuff to ditch. For me, this wasn’t too difficult to trash, but I’m young. I don’t have a lifetime trinkets saved up. For you, this might one of the biggest challenges.

Possible examples:

Stuffed animals
Pictures
Books

2. Tools

Stuff you use to do other things. It’s hard to say this stuff is unnecessary, but I know I’ve consolidated quite a bit after giving what I own a rundown. And I still have a long way to go.

Possible examples:

Hammers, drills, saws
Washing machine
Computer

3. Clothes

Stuff you use to cover yourself (or not) and create your own style. When it comes down to it, most of the stuff we wear is based on appearances rather than strictly for function. That’s not necessarily bad. But it might be.

Possible examples:

Jackets… I own(ed) a lot of jackets
Shirts
High heels… in case you’re wondering, I didn’t own any

4. Furniture

Stuff you decorate your home with. Do you have to have this stuff? If yes, then you probably shouldn’t.

Possible examples:

Couch
Bathtub
Grandfather clock your grandfather gave you

5. Entertainment

Stuff you enjoy experiencing for fun. Is your “fun” keeping you from amazingness? Sometimes, it is. Is your fun even fun? Sometimes, it really isn’t.

Possible examples:

Latest movies and TV shows
Concerts
Eating out

6. Career

Stuff you do to make (more) money. Have you ever thought that maybe God doesn’t want to you to do this? At all? Or at least the way you are? Are you really a missionary?

Possible examples:

Overtime
Traveling
Punching a clock

7. Diet

Stuff you eat and drink. Being picky is a problem. Or can be. (Thankfully, I’ve always had a healthy appetite, even if it’s not always healthy.)

Possible examples:

Organic peanut butter
Wine
Mac-N-Cheese

8. Relationships

Stuff, people really, who you hang out with and care about. Paul said spouses could become baggage, so certainly every other kind of relationship could also turn out that way.

Possible examples:

Boyfriend/girlfriend
Next-door neighbor
Parents

9. Environment

Stuff you don’t want to leave. Sometimes baggage is just a proximity issue. We get used to living in one area, staying in one area, and then it becomes a comfort zone we’re afraid to leave.

Possible examples:

Your apartment or house
Your neighborhood or city
Your country

10. Clubs, groups, and organizations

Stuff where you’re involved with people and have specific responsibilities on an ongoing basis.

Possible examples:

Teacher’s Association
Volunteer projects
Toastmasters

11. Online connections and obligations

Stuff you do online. This is definitely a new category, but I’ve noticed the baggage growing here, both for myself and others.

Possible examples:

Blogging
Emailing
Tweeting

12. Church

Stuff you’re responsible for in your local congregation. Yes, as the son of a pastor, I can say for sure that ministering through a church can count as baggage and keep you away from what God wants.

Possible examples:

Teaching Sunday School
Volunteering to visit people
Midweek, Bible studies

13. Health

Stuff you do to stay fit and looking good, or stuff that physically keeps you from doing other things. This is two sided: over-emphasizing exercise is selfish, but it’s hard to help others if you ignore your health altogether.

Possible examples:

Jogging three miles every day
Overweight
Exhaustion

14. Hobbies

Stuff you do for fun. It’s great to create ties but not of those ties prevent you from following God’s direction.

Possible examples:

Fishing
Sewing
Bowling

15. Education

Stuff you need to learn, or stuff you think you need to learn. This is another one that strikes from both sides. It’s baggage if you don’t have it but need it, and it’s also baggage if you’re trying to get it but don’t really need it.

Possible examples:

Going to college
Reading non-fiction books
Learning a new language

16. Rules and requirements

Stuff you think you and/or other people have to do. People on the outside often call this legalism. But people on the inside just think they’re doing what God commands. Careful!

Possible examples:

Wear nice clothes to church
Become a missionary to Africa to be a better Christian
Settle down and build a family

17. Reputation

Stuff you do to make people think you’re cool. For me, this is the primary motivator behind fear.

Possible examples:

Knowing the latest about celebrities
Rarely admitting mistakes
Casually bringing up religion

18. Habits

Stuff you do consistently. Almost everything you do falls in this category. What about what you do is holding you back?

Possible examples:

Staying out late
Spending too much time online
Hanging out with people you like

19. Attitude

Stuff you judge other people, situations, and things to be… your evaluations of them. Attitudes are particularly dangerous because they affect so many areas of you life. (For more, ask yourself these 40 questions to help assess your attitude.)

Possible examples:

Assuming Mondays are always dreary
Only respecting people who’re respectable
Hating to make decisions or take responsibility

20. Memories

Stuff you keep trying to relive. In recent years, online at least, there’s been a push to pursue experiences to create memories instead of storing up loads of physical stuff. While memories might be better, it can still count as baggage.

Possible examples:

Your senior year in high school
The first year you were married
Your three month vacation around the world

21. Grudges

Stuff you’ve never forgiven. Of all the emotional baggage, this is the stuff that usually seems to weigh the heaviest.

Possible examples:

Your parents for splitting up when you were young
Your friends for never inviting you out with them
Your government leaders for… getting appointed

22. Goals and dreams

Stuff you want to achieve, whether that means getting something or doing something. We all know of things we’d like to do or have, but sometimes – often times in my case – those things don’t align with what God wants.

Possible examples:

Becoming CEO of the company
Starring in a major motion picture
Running a marathon

*****

Actually, now that you’ve read that list, I want you to feel like I’ve pretty much covered everything in your life. Now you can break it down bit by bit…

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Pick one type, and then create your own list of baggage in that area. From there, you have two good options…

(2) First, start with the easiest and knock it out of your life. That’ll help you build some momentum to tackle the more difficult baggage you’ve built up.

(3) Second, start with the biggest baggage, the thing that’s causing the most hangup in you life. This is scarier but, if you can pull it off, leads to the fastest improvement.

Spotting manipulation – 7 red flags

Marshall Jones Jr. — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 15:08:14 +0000

(Photo: cogdogblog

It’s tough being a slave, you know.

People don’t really trust you at first. After all, who actually serves others without some sketchy motive? Once they realize you’re legit, though, they start taking advantage of you.

Ah, sweet, they think. These people actually do serve others. I’ve always wanted a slave.

And so the process goes… until at some point, you’re like, This is insane. Certainly not what I signed up for. This isn’t about love. I’m just doing this ’cause I have to now. I really am their slave.

Bam!

A red flag should automatically shoot up for you. Being a bondChristian isn’t about servitude. It’s about choosing to serve God and – by extension – choosing to serve others.

Let’s run through a couple of these red flags, signals that should alert you to situations where manipulation might – just might – be trying to sneak in.

1. Concealing the truth

The difference between manipulation and influence is deception. Influencers move you by revealing truth. Manipulators move you by concealing truth.

Both have motives – influencers are probably even clearer on theirs than their manipulative counterparts. The difference is what each does to achieve their goals.

So if you run across someone who’s concealing truth, whether that’s through outright lying or just not sharing all the relevant info, you might be spotting manipulation.

2. Limiting your options

This is a close cousin to concealing the truth. Manipulators love limiting your options. It’s a subtler form, but still deception. When you’re in this situation, you feel forced, like you’re having to make a complex decision with oversimplified choices.

Example: “We either need to vote for [INSERT GIVEN CANDIDATE] or leave the political arena altogether.”

Reminds me of the question for Jesus about paying taxes to Ceasar or not. Red flag. That’s manipulation.

3. Scaring you

Fear is the father of manipulation, the bully of the bunch. It’s straight up intimidation, and it works two ways:

Scare you with what they can do
Scare you with what might happen

Example: “If you don’t apologize, I’ll leave the church… right after I tell everyone else about it.”

In this example, the first part about them leaving the church and telling everyone else, that’s them scaring you with what they can do. The second part, the implication that others might leave or also get upset if they find out, that’s them scaring you with what might happen.

It seems pretty obvious when I put it like that, doesn’t it? But when it actually happens, even though it’s aggressive, it’s still super easy to miss.

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” -1 John 4:18

4. Making you feel bad

This is the passive aggressive approach. They seem so pathetic that you feel guilty for not helping. As Gayle Erwin says, “You know you’re dealing with manipulators when you hate yourself for letting them do this to you.”

Example: “Aren’t Christians supposed to help others? Then why aren’t you helping me when I’m in need?” [Implied: You're not really a {good} Christian.]

Serving is a response, not a requirement. Spotting manipulation means watching for people who point out requirements.

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” -Romans 8:1

5. Making you feel good

“For those who are such do not serve our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly, and by smooth words and flattering speech deceive the hearts of the simple.” -Romans 16:18

Just this past week, someone in need said they’d noticed my natural leadership skills and charismatic personality. And of course, I’m thinking, You know what? He’s probably just flattering me, but he’s right. I do have some leadership skills. I am charismatic.

That’s the danger. We’re usually pretty good about noting the difference between genuine compliments and compliments with strings attached. The problem is that even when we notice, we like going along with it because it makes us feel better.

This doesn’t mean we should discount every kind word we hear. It just means our flags should go up, and we should try to understand the motivation behind it. (By the way, if it’s a sincere motivation, it’s a good idea to study it anyway – you can’t lose here.)

6. Not growing or progressing

You know those guys on the street corners, the ones with the cardboard signs asking for money? Have you ever offered to buy them a meal… or even help them find work?

If you have, you know they usually won’t take the work. They’ll give some excuse why they can’t do it. Sometimes, they’ll even pass on the meal, favoring instead to continue to beg for money.

That’s when I get aggravated and stop giving. Part of it’s my own selfishness, but another part is me spotting the manipulation.

In the gospels, the religious leaders annoyed Jesus not because they failed to understand Scripture, but because they’d stopped trying. They weren’t progressing. They’d been offered the job, but they didn’t take it.

Red flag. People who want more but aren’t doing anything with it don’t really want more. They want to manipulate for some other reason. Watch out.

7. Stealing peace

If you have to ask yourself, you’re probably spotting manipulation.
If someone’s distracting you with the craziness of life, you’re probably spotting manipulation.
If you’re not able to keep your life firmly fixed on Jesus and what He’s said, you’re probably spotting manipulation.

As you know, peace isn’t what’s going on around you. Peace is what’s going on within you. If you’re losing that internal peace, you might be spotting manipulation.

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33

Finally…

It’s important to realize with any of these that manipulators might have valid points. Perhaps you do need to apologize. Perhaps you do need to be more generous. But don’t confuse their conclusion with the way they argue for it.

Spotting manipulation is about spotting a lousy process, not a lousy conclusion. In fact, many of the best manipulators are right. Don’t let that fool you.

Service for Jesus is done completely out of love for Him. If not, it’s not serving Jesus. Sure, there’ll be some rough patches, but the motivation’s always the same: love, not fear or guilt or pride or anything else.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) I’ve started a list of practical examples of how people try to manipulate. I’d suggest doing the same. At first, you’ll get tons of different examples. After a while, though, you’ll notice patterns in all the examples, and you’ll spot them easier.

(2) More on this later, but for now, know that spotting manipulation doesn’t always mean calling it out or resisting it. Sometimes we’re called to go ahead regardless. The point here is to recognize it so you can make more accurate decisions and avoid using these tactics yourself.