In this video, I share why I think churches might be better off if they followed a similar policy. More importantly, though, I explain why you’ll definitely be better off if you adopt an “after three years” mindset.

[Click to watch if you're in email or RSS.]

Takeaway:

• Local churches are meant to equip Christians to minister to others.
• You and I, if we’ve been involved for at least three years, are ready to begin our own ministries.
• So, yeah, get started.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Start within your church. Volunteer for the “church cleaning” ministry or a for prayer group or to teach children’s ministry.

(2) If you’ve already been involved with your church (for at least three years ), prayerfully consider what your unique ministry might be. Also, ask other church members and leaders. Ask your pastor. Ask them how they think your specific talents could be put to use.

(3) Some ideas to consider for your ministry: (Coming soon….)

• Where to serve
• Becoming child-like: How to play
• How to refuel when serving sucks you dry
• Living for something greater than yourself
• How a slimy, bald man encouraged me

(Photo: epSos.de)

I’d like to copy these kids. You?

This is what I did. First, I brainstormed some words that I associate with playfulness. This is what I came up with:

• Humorous
• Energetic
• Smiling
• Laughing
• Carefree
• Festive
• Positive
• Lighthearted
• Spontaneous
• Fun

To me, that sounds pretty awesome. And it sounds pretty childish too, in a good way. Your list might be a little different, but let’s see if we can distill some of this down to something that can help you and I become more playful.

Playfulness is interested in feeling fun

Your list, my list… it doesn’t matter. All of it centers on feeling fun. Smiles and laughter are expressions of joy. Other words – like carefree, positive, lighthearted, and spontaneous – hint at the type of attitude that allows for playfulness. Finally, you have others that point to specific things kids (anyone, really) do when they’re playful: they joke around, like everything is a game or a party, with tons of energy.

So you have three things, and they all contribute to playfulness:

1. Attitude
2. Actions
3. Expressions

I was watching a friend’s son the other day play with a toy Piggy Bank. He would stick the extra large, multicolored coins into the extra large slot on the top of the bank. The pig would fill up, and then we would take out the coins and do it again. No big deal. But this kid was having a blast, smiling, inserting the coins as fast as his little hands would let him.

I think too often when you and I, grownups, try to play, we only focus on part of playfulness. Maybe we’ll get the actions down, playing Hide-N-Seek, but forget to giggle while trying to hide. Or we’ll want to have fun but feel too self-conscious to let it all hang out on the living room, dance floor.

Playfulness is just that: the courage to embrace all of it, the attitude, the actions, and the expressions. It’s going all in to have fun, forgetting our serious self-image. Kids do that by nature. The rest of us have to relearn it.

And here’s why…

Playfulness is NOT interested in productivity

Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, we learned that productivity is king. Sacrificing present fun for future rewards, that’s the mark of maturity. How can we accomplish as much as possible in the least amount of time with the least amount of effort?

Kids don’t get that. If you ask a young child what she did today, she could totally tell you:

• I helped mother sew ribbons onto my ballet shoes.
• I drew daddy a picture of a pony.
• I played hopscotch with Bethany.

But if you ask her what she accomplished, she’ll probably hesitate. Most young children don’t know what accomplishment means. Even if they answer, they’ll usually mention an accomplishment that will mean absolutely nothing the next day, even to them.

Sure, the ribbons on the ballet shoes might come in handy next week, but you can almost guarantee that’s not why she cared about the project.

Nah, she cared because she enjoyed helping her mom. That’s fun, especially when it involves sewing and ballet. When she was drawing that pony, she didn’t try to conserve blue crayon. She was just playing.

I like that.

So now to learn it.

How to learn playfulness

Let’s take it in steps:

1. Understand what playfulness is
2. Understand the motivation for playfulness
3. Understand what playfulness feels like
4. Understand how to act playful

We’ve already covered a little about what playfulness is, so let’s get into how to apply it in our own lives.

• The motivation for playfulness: If you’re pessimistic about life in general, you’ll assume it’s impossible to have fun all the time. Young kids don’t think that. They might realize life isn’t always fun, but they still think it can be. For them, living on ice cream at Disneyland is still possible. For you and I to fully embrace playfulness in our lives, we have to believe it’s possible. We have to be so insanely thankful that we know satisfaction is possible. Most adults, including me, don’t know that, not completely.
• The feeling of playfulness: Giddiness. That’s the best word I can come up with to describe the feeling. It’s like when you’ve had a little too much coffee and sugar, not jittery yet, but where you’re like, “I’ve got to do something. Let’s do something. What do you want to do?” It’s a paradox. You’re so satisfied that you want to change it. Or, really, you want to share it. Nothing is serious. Everything is a game, and you want everyone to join in.
• Playfulness in action: Once you have those first two parts, the motivation behind you and the feeling inside, the rest is easy. It’s basically whatever happens. That’s why it’s so spontaneous. For instance, try doing something that gets you absolutely nowhere. Do something, not nothing, but still get nowhere and enjoy it. That’s playfulness.

It starts with gratitude, builds into giddiness, and finally expresses itself in spontaneity. If you try to be spontaneous without the giddiness, it doesn’t work. If you try to be giddy without the gratitude, it doesn’t work. You need all three parts in the correct order.

That’s why we mess it up so badly. We try to play Hide-N-Seek without the joy that motivates it. We go into it without any fun and then turn around and say, “Hey, look… this isn’t any fun.” You can try all the tactics in the world – always smile, laugh with everyone, make eye contact – but without the starting point, it all falls flat.

Children don’t have to understand this. It’s built into them. But the rest of us, as I said before, have to relearn it. Thankfully, it’s not that hard. Sometimes, it’s as easy as giving ourselves permission.

…permission to not be productive.

…permission to have fun.

…permission to be a kid.

“A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones.” -Proverbs 17:22

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Hang out with people who are ridiculously thankful. Pay attention to what they appreciate. Copy that.

(2) Hang out with kids. Let them play with you, jump on you, run with you. They’ll rub off on you if you let them.

(3) As you’re going through your daily habits, ask yourself, “How can I do this playfully? Or how would I do this if I felt playful?” Better yet, “What would a kid do?”

• The 7 benefits of serving others
• Becoming child-like: How to forget worrying and live now
• Living for something greater than yourself
• Suspending judgment: 3 reasons and 3 ways to start
• Ask yourself these 40 questions to evaluate your premises

(Photo: hectorir)

In the middle of winter in the middle of the freeway, my car stalled.

Thankfully, I was on an overpass, right by an exit. Still, I had to walk a ways to the gas station, buy a can, fill it with gas, and then lug it back to my car, all while keeping my nose from breaking off in the cold.

That was the first time I ran out of gas… but also the last. So far, I’ve kept the lesson in mind.

Running out sucks, especially if you’re excited about where you’re going. Trouble is, we don’t always remember.

The same thing happens with serving. We’re going along great when, all of a sudden, we stall. Sometimes we crash and burn. Other times we bail out. Or want one.

You know the feeling? You’re like, “That’s it. I still love you, God, but I can’t keep giving, giving, giving.” I’ve even made threats: “God, if you make me continue like this, you’re going to lose me altogether.”

Funny, the threats never seem to worry Him. He never tells me to quit. Instead, He teaches me how to continue.

Why thankfulness is not enough

Thankfulness is a wonderful motivation, if not the only worthwhile motivation, for serving others. But it only gives you the motivation, not the material.

It’s the difference between wanting to give something and actually having something to give. Thankfulness can fuel the desire, but you still have to find something to give.

And after you give for a while, you might feel like you’re out of material to give away again. You start feeling a little dry. So the question is, how do you get more to give away? Where can you and I find that abundance?

The obvious but not always helpful answer

The Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit gives an endless supply of amazingness. He’s the real reason we can continue each day.

That’s not always helpful, though, because if you’re like me, you’re not exactly sure how to receive the Spirit and let Him work through your life. That’s why we need to understand the practical side of allowing the Spirit into our lives.

So in a way, even though this post in practical terms is about finding fuel to serve, in a general sense it’s about letting the Holy Spirit fill you and work through you.

Starting from an example

When I think of biblical examples of people being filled with the Holy Spirit, the first one that comes to mind is the classic in Acts 2.

“When the Day of Pentecost had fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. And suddenly there came a sound from heaven, as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled the whole house where they were sitting. Then there appeared to them divided tongues, as of fire, and one sat upon each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.” -Acts 2:1-4

That’s pretty freakin’ awesome, especially considering what happened afterward, Peter sharing the gospel and a few thousand people getting saved.

To understand how this came about, though, let’s move back a chapter to Jesus’s promise before He ascended into heaven. A bunch of His followers were hanging out with Him, wondering what would happen next. So Jesus told them:

“[Y]ou shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” -Acts 1:8

I love that. He didn’t tell them to do anything, just that they’d receive the Spirit automatically when God wanted them to.

So His followers just hung out together:

“These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication…” -Acts 1:14

They stayed in fellowship, in unity, and talked with God. In fact, if you go back to the beginning of chapter two, which I quoted already, you’ll notice that theme showing up again: followers hanging out together, in unity, in peace.

The secret to getting filled

Someone once said that the biggest secrets are the ones that are so obvious they’ve become secrets. This is one of those.

God is about grace, giving to people who don’t deserve it. So the secret to getting filled…

• …isn’t doing a bunch of good stuff for other people
• …isn’t showing God that you’re worthy of being filled with His Spirit

The secret to getting filled is being able to receive it.

And our ability to be filled with the Holy Spirit is directly proportional to our ability to jive with Christ and Christians, in one accord. I say “jive” because it’s more than just agreeing. We often say we agree with each other even when we’re really not feeling it. We’re not vibrating the same way. We’re not in harmony.

I think God often tries to fill us with His Spirit, but we reject Him because we’re not ready for the change. God’s trying to fill us, but our core belief system isn’t compatible with His gift. So the Spirit just waits, waits for us to trust God enough to let Him work through our lives.

How to prepare for the Spirit

Preparing for the Spirit simply means understanding and living within God’s nature, which includes understanding and living with others Christians, getting to know them, sacrificing our comfort for community.

In super practical terms, you can begin by…

• Reading the Bible
• Reading Christian authors
• Comparing notes
• Asking questions
• Praying for one another
• Praying with one another
• Eating meals with other believers
• Sharing your testimony
• Having them share theirs
• Opening up about your deepest, darkest secrets
• Listening to their fears
• Just sitting together in silence (it’s amazing how powerful this can be)

None of these alone can give the Spirit a magic pass into your life, but collectively they can help align your nature with God’s nature while connecting with the body of Christ.

The list could go on, but it all comes back to unity, abiding in who God is. When that happens, the Spirit’s like, “Okay, now you’re ready. You’re ready to trust me enough to let me direct your life. Now I can do my job.”

The peace of fullness

It’s tough to communicate this peace to someone who’s never experienced it. The best I can say is that when the Spirit works in your life, you feel unstoppable. And in a way, you are unstoppable because you’re functioning in alignment with God’s will.

You realize that things still might not turn out the way you plan, but you know if that happens, it’s not a problem. You’re doing what God says, so you can let Him deal with the consequences. He actually appreciates that.

The power of abundance

When the Spirit is directing your life and you’re in harmony with the body of Christ, you feel like you’ll never run out. You don’t have to worry about what you’ll say today or what you’ll give today or what you’ll do today.

You’ll just give what you get, and what you’ll get will be limitless.

Like over the past few weeks, I’ve felt a little dry. My tank was running out, my cup underflowing. I was drifting away from God’s nature. I was still serving, but I was falling out of alignment.

Thankfully, I started with prayer (sad to say, it’s often my last resort). I was like, “God, what’s up with this? It’s a new year and everything. I’m usually pumped right about now. Why’s it so hard this time?”

Even posting here. I had a bunch of decent ideas, but none that were inspiring me.

But then His answer came back:  ”Share what I’ve given you. That’s what you’re supposed to do. The life I give you is for other people too.”

As I’ve fellowshipped with other Christians, especially lately, I’ve tried to focus on sharing what I’m learning and learning what they’re sharing, joining together as one body.

That’s how this article came about. It’s what I’m learning. And look, I’m already over 1,500 words here. I don’t feel like I’m losing anything by giving this away. I don’t feel like I’m working or losing time or losing anything, really.

It seems ridiculous to even think that way, but that was the slump I had fallen into. I was serving from my own superficial skills, the ones I thought I’d conjured up.

Right now, though, I’m working from the blessings God’s poured into my life. They’re flowing through me. As a result, I feel like I’m getting more pumped the more I share.

That’s the power of abundance through the Holy Spirit.

Refueling by giving what you get

Most of us oscillate back and forth between growing and withering, at least slightly. I don’t think growth is something we perfect. I’m certainly not there. I might slip right after publishing this.

But we can still aim for fullness all the time.

My car ran out of gas because I pushed the limits of emptiness… and lost. I was cold and late, but overall it wasn’t a big deal.

Spiritually, though, it’s way serious. “Not empty” is not cool. It’s better to refuel before you need it, aiming to be completely full, overflowing, all the time.

You and I can do that by… well, not doing anything at first, just waiting and resting and submitting to what God wants to give us. And then when He gives us something – and He always does – we can share that. That way, no matter how much we give, we’ll never run out.

Because the life God gives is for other people too.

Give that. Refuel by learning and living and appreciating God’s nature, His personality. Then share those lessons.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Prepare yourself to receive the Spirit by aligning with God’s nature and making peace with the body of Christ.

(2) In practice, this means resting in who God is, studying how He thinks and acts and what He enjoys. The Holy Spirit loves to fill believers who are ready to trust God to direct their lives but also willing to wait for His leading.

(3) It also means seeking to understand your brothers and sisters in Christ, communicating with them even when it’s not comfortable. All together in one accord, moving in one direction, for the same reason… Christ.

• The 7 benefits of serving others
• 10 benefits of friendship
• C. S. Lewis was wrong – You need friends
• How to boost someone’s joy
• What do you say? Say, “Thank you.”

[Click through to watch if you're in email or RSS.]

Serving Suggestions:

(1) What are you living for?

(2) If you were to devote your entire life to one thing, how would your life change?

(3) Of the things you already do now, how many point explicitly to the one thing you want to live for?

• Becoming child-like: How to play
• Suspending judgment: 3 reasons and 3 ways to start
• What’s the hardest part of missionary life? Being forgotten?
• Spotting manipulation – 7 red flags
• The 7 benefits of serving others

(Photo: Jayel Aheram)

Through high school, a close friend of mine wanted to join the military. He loved guns and explosives and all that cool stuff. After high school, I jumped straight into college, but my friend didn’t jump straight into the military.

Instead, he got a couple of jobs he didn’t enjoy and started dating a bunch of girls he didn’t know too well.

At this point, I’m thinking, Come on – what happened to our dreams? What happened to being amazing? What happened to doing what we love and what matters?

The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized I was just being a stick in the mud. I was doing exactly what other people had done to me by forcing expectations on my friend. I didn’t like it done to me, and my friend didn’t like it done to him.

All of us have been accused of judging others, whether it’s implied or actually said out loud. Often, we’d love to take that “judge not” advice, but it’s hard. The mechanics of actually not judging are pretty tough to pin down.

To get any sense of how to do it, I think it helps to start by understanding why to suspend judgment in the first place. So here are three reasons…

1. To understand others

If we automatically try to judge what others are saying and doing, we can’t understand them. We might accurately assume they’re wrong or right, but we won’t know why they choose that path or why we might end up choosing that path… unless we first suspend judgment.

2. To connect with others

The more you and I understand others and relate to them, the stronger our connection to them becomes. We begin to feel what they feel, not just think what they think. And they’ll start responding the same way.

3. To not be judged

First off, the less you judge others, the more receptive they’ll be to what you say and do. As an influencer, this is crucial. Secondly, though, Jesus clearly says that those who judge will be judged in return. So from a selfish perspective, it just makes sense to be as gracious as possible.

“For I have given you an example , that you should do as I have done to you.” -John 13:15

Okay, okay. You hear this all the time, right? Matthew 7:1 is the only verse your unsaved friends know. The question is, how do we actually do this in practice? How do we NOT judge? Here are three ideas that help me…

1. Think of judgment as evaluation

“Judgment” is a stiff, archaic, legal word. I don’t really get it. So to help bring it into context, I like thinking of judgment as evaluation.

Judgment, to me, implies sentencing and punishment. I don’t consciously do that to people every day. But evaluation… evaluation, to me, implies measurement and assessment or simply finding the value of something. I do that all the time. Do you?

I’ve found that by replacing judgment with evaluation in my mind, I’m able to get a better handle on it and as a result catch myself when it comes up.

2. Understand that people are not their perspective

Many Christians claim to love people but not necessarily what they do. I think that’s an excellent start, but it doesn’t go far enough. It’s true that you and I evaluate people based on what they do, but it’s also true that we evaluate them based on what they think. Consider…

• We’re patient with actions but not with beliefs.
• We’re patient with sin but not with the desire to sin.
• We’re patient with stupidity but not with people who want to stay that way.

In order to suspend judgment, don’t you and I need to move to that next level? Isn’t that what it’s all about, suspending judgment on what people think, not just what they do?

I think so. And I think the best way to do that is to recognize that people are independent of their perspectives. So to actually make that happen…

3. Ask why would I, not why should they

You’re putting yourself in their position, while switching the focus from morality to motivation. You can do this out loud in your conversation, or you can just do it in your head. For example…

• Evaluating question: “As Christians, why should (or shouldn’t) they call homosexuality a sin?”
• Understanding question: “As a Christian, why would (or wouldn’t) I call homosexuality a sin?”

[Insert your own examples if that one doesn't work well for you.]

Whatever the situation, that second kind of question is much harder to ask and even harder to answer honestly, but it’s the kind you’ll learn the most from. Because as you’ll notice, you can debate whether positions are right or wrong, but every, single one has a valid motivation behind it.

To see what I mean, let’s return to the story at the beginning…

An example of suspending judgment

When I realized I had been evaluating my friend, I decided instead to step back to try to understand him. Why would I do what he’s doing? What would motivate me to do that? What’s he feeling? Of course, that’s when it became really obvious why I would.

See, my friend and I, even though we grew up together, have different perspectives on life, more different than I originally thought. As a result, when his took him down a path than I didn’t expect (or want), I immediately assumed he was making bad decisions.

• My friend thinks working crazy hours builds success.
• My friend assumes a large bank account guarantees security.
• My friend hopes that one of his random dates will care deeply about him.

I don’t agree with any of those approaches to life, but those are judgments so that’s not the point. Now I’m trying to understand his motivation, and I’m realizing that it’s similar to mine. Who knew, right? He feels what I feel. It’s just that he acts on those feelings differently than I would because of his perspective on life.

In a general sense, he wants people to care about him, same as me.

I wish I could say he and I are buddy buddies now, but that’s not true. The story is just to highlight how learning to suspend judgment helped me understand my friend and pointed me toward connecting with him instead of continuing to separate.

And I think the same could apply to you.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Don’t think in terms of good and bad at first. Instead, think in terms of motivation: why does this person think or act this way?

(2) When you’re talking about an issue with someone, focus on the perspective, not the person. Sometimes, this is as simple as asking, “Why does your belief work like that?” instead of, “Why do you think that?” By sectioning off the belief, it’s easier for both of you to discuss it from an outside perspective without directly attacking each other. Subtleties like this can go a long way.

• Becoming child-like: How to play
• Living for something greater than yourself
• The 7 benefits of serving others
• Ask yourself these 40 questions to evaluate your premises
• What’s your premise? ‘Cause Machiavelli had the right tactics

(Photo: Shermee)

What’s the big deal with getting everyone to serve others? Why not just have everyone serve themselves? After all, that would cut out the trouble of figuring out what other people want.

The fact of the matter is this: God works this way (He serves others), and He wants us to do the same. He’s set it up so serving others accomplishes almost everything He wants for us.

Here’s how. Here are the seven big benefits of serving others. (Watch for overlap. God loves overlap.)

1. Serving creates meaningful thankfulness

Serving is a way to give back that’s actually meaningful and shows we’re really thankful.

Jesus died so we could hang out with God. We say we’re thankful for that. We say it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to us. But if that’s the case, shouldn’t our live be totally different? I mean, what would happen if someone gave you a new house or a million dollars? Wouldn’t your life change?

Serving others is the result of truly realizing what Jesus did for us. We actually want to tell everyone in the world about it, not just through what we say but also through what we do.

Serving others is the result of our insane thankfulness. That’s the motivation behind serving. That’s why we serve. Because serving gives us a way to live thankfulness.

2. Serving blesses the person you’re serving

Perhaps the most obvious of obvious benefits, serving others actually serves others. Who knew!

Serving makes the world a better place.

It’s the same reason so many world changers try to serve others too, or at least look like that’s what they’re doing. They know that pulling it off is world changing. Problem is, they don’t have the support to actually do it completely selflessly.

But we do. Or should.

3. Serving encourages other Christians

When other believers see you serving others, they get fired up. Don’t discount the power of peer pressure, or peer motivation.

“And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ…” -Ephesians 4:11-12

4. Serving non-Christians opens them to Christ

As far as practical benefits go, this is probably the biggest. Serving others includes sharing the gospel, but that’s not what it’s all about. Serving others, as you might have noticed from the articles around here, includes mundane stuff like taking pictures, playing cards, or baking cookies.

All those mundane things add up. And someday someone somewhere will notice and ask about it. And you’ll have opened someone to the gospel. How much is that worth?

By the way, check out this video with Lee Strobel sharing a practical example of this.

5. Serving glorifies God for other non-Christians

We can’t serve everyone. But almost everyone can see the example in the few people we can serve.

See, when Jesus came to earth, He tried to taught that we’re supposed to build our reputation around serving others, caring for people, and loving them.

“By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” -John 13:35

When we serve others, people notice. When they see us serving, they see part of God’s nature. They can still reject it, but it’s much harder to reject when they can see it at work, even if we’re not serving them directly.

6. Serving honors God

Even if no one else sees you, even if no one else cares, God sees and God cares. Yep, it’s cheesy and cliche, but that’s because we repeat it over and over again without really doing much about it.

“If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever…” -1 Peter 4:11

Serving is success whether anyone else cares or not.

7. Serving encourages yourself

Encouragement is amazing like this. When you encourage someone else, the encouragement comes back around to you. It’s a side effect, and it works two ways.

First, serving others often means learning amazing things and reminding others of these amazing things. But guess what? In the process, you remind yourself, which builds you up too.

For example, if you share the Bible to encourage someone else, you’ll find you’re building yourself up because you’re in the Bible also.

Second, the response from others is infectious. Of course, it won’t always be outstanding – sometimes, people won’t care. But when they do, you’ll know you contributed, through God’s grace, to their growth. And that is totally encouraging.

For example, when you help someone overcome a temptation, you also end up with even more motivation to flee that temptation because you see the amazing results in your friend, to say nothing of the accountability that’s built in.

It’s a big cycle.

• You’re encouraged, which means…
• You’ll want to serve even more, which means…
• You’ll get even more encouraged, which means…
• You’ll want to serve even more, which means…

Well, you get the idea. The process repeats over and over again. Like a body healing itself, it’s just the way it’s designed.

We serve because of what God’s done, and the more we serve, the more God does. That’s why serving others is so, so amazing.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Serve others. Get caught in the serving cycle where serving leads to more serving and more serving.

(2) What are some practical examples of how these benefits have worked out in your life? Pick one of these seven and share a personal story in the comments.

• Becoming child-like: How to play
• What do you say? Say, “Thank you.”
• Becoming child-like: How to forget worrying and live now
• How to refuel when serving sucks you dry
• Living for something greater than yourself

[Click through to watch if you're in RSS or email.]

Takeaway:

• We’re blessed in a ton of different ways.
• But the real blessing, the one we want everyone to try out, is living with Jesus.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Not to point any elbows, but consider some friends perhaps who’ve drifted away from the Lord. Maybe you’d still consider them Christians, but the fruit isn’t there anymore. At least with people I know, myself included, it’s often because they stop focusing on knowing Jesus and start focusing on the other benefits of that relationship. And when those other benefits switch, maybe they lose their big home and have to move into an apartment, their gratefulness slumps. That’s because their Christianity, as Jesus said, was built on sand.

(2) When you and I share the gospel with others, when we ask them to try out Christianity, focus on knowing who Jesus is and communicating with Him. In practical terms, this will include reading and meditating on His Word in the Bible, praying, worshipping (not just through music but through our daily routines), and encouraging one another by getting involved in each others’ lives. But all of those activities are only activities if they’re not directed at knowing Jesus. Center on that relationship because it never switches.

• People pleasing vs. people pleasing: What’s the difference?
• Ask yourself these 40 questions to evaluate your premises
• If you’ve been a Christian for three years…
• Becoming child-like: How to play
• How to refuel when serving sucks you dry

(Photo: D Sharon Pruitt)

Consider the most meaningful and fulfilling moments in your life. Do they have friendships running through them?

Through my life, every meaningful moment has been either a direct or indirect result of friendship.

I’ve told you that before, but I’d like to share why. This is a general list – I haven’t included specific examples of how each played out in my life. I hope this just gives you a glimpse into why I’m enthusiastic about making friends and developing deep connections with those around me… and why I encourage you to do the same.

1. Hanging out together

Studies show that hanging out with friends may reduce the risk of loneliness.

Sure, many prefer solitude over socializing, but no one prefers loneliness. You want to know and feel that others care about you. Friends care, but it all starts with hanging out, just being there.

How are you hanging out?

2. Learning to communicate

The more I hang out with friends, the easier it is for me to open up. In general, that’s probably true for you too. When you and I stop hanging out with others, we tend to retreat into our shells even more. We begin to forget the benefits of open communication and focus only on the fear.

Staying in near-constant contact, though, keeps us in practice.

How are you communicating?

3. Sharing ideas

Once the communication starts flowing, you end up trading ideas. Your friends can often tell you how reasonable your ideas are, or what you might need to do to rework them. That feedback then can help direct how you act on those ideas and how you set your goals. And your feedback can do the same for your friend.

How are you sharing ideas?

4. Building accountability

Ideas are worthless if you never act on them. One of the best ways to get that action going is to create goals around them and share those goals with your friends. Friends force you to actually work toward your goals.

That accountability only works, though, if you and your friend are willing to share with one another and call each other out when one’s going the wrong way. Otherwise, accountability is a charade.

How are you staying accountable?

5. Sharing stuff

Back when neighbors were neighbors, we used to share things… liberally. No one had a problem lending out a wheelbarrow. And perhaps more interestingly, no one had a problem asking to borrow that wheelbarrow either. Now, we know our neighbors enough to not trust them but not enough to trust them regardless.

When you and I build accountability back into our relationships, the opportunity to lend and give freely opens up, not because we have leverage to “get back” at our friends if they trash our stuff but because we care enough about them to share no matter what.

How are you sharing stuff?

6. Sharing friends

Some friends are wonderful just because of the other friends you make through them. Know what I mean?

On Facebook, I’ve set up lists to group my friends to keep up with them better. Most of the lists revolve around a location or organization, like church or college, but a couple of those groups center almost completely around a particular friend. After meeting that one person, I was exposed to all the others who eventually became my friends.

Not everyone can be that person, but most have at least a couple friends to share. Numbers aren’t as important as the deepness of the connections. I certainly love sharing friends (both on the giving and receiving end) better than sharing other stuff.

How are you sharing friends?

7. Learning new skills

As your connections grow, your friends will begin to teach you skills you never would have pursued or, in some cases, never even known about. One example that comes to mind for me is yo-yoing. A friend got into yo-yoing, so I followed along. The skills can be much more profound than yo-yoing, though.

How are you learning and teaching new skills?

8. Inspiring one another

Skills are tactics. They’re detailed, but usually fairly low-level actions. Inspiration is strategy. It changes how you live, not just how you act. Inspiration is where you go from learning yo-yo tricks to overhauling your career course to pursue professional entertainment.

Inspiration is hard to pinpoint, which is why we’re usually inspired by the lives of people we admire rather than their teachings. As friends influence one another through their specific ideas and skills, inspiration starts to form. We see the combination of all the details in a friend’s life and decide we want to imitate part of it. That’s when our overall, life strategies change.

How are being inspired… how are you inspiring?

9. Discipling one another

Inspiration only goes so far. From there we have to return to tactics, but this time we apply the tactics through a completely different lens. Once friends align at least some of their overall beliefs, they can feed off each other, teaching one another the details of life through a particular lens.

Christianity is a perfect example. When friends decide to submit to Christ’s leadership, they can share advice back and forth along their walk. I believe this is the most effective form of discipleship… the form Jesus commissioned.

How are you discipling?

10. Encouraging one another

For most of us, encouragement is what we need now. You and I don’t need new information – we need the courage to follow-through with what we already know. We need the courage to get back up after we fall down.

Friends give us that encouragement. Beyond simple companionship or instruction or inspiration, we need friends we relate to, care about, and as a result give us a reason to continue forward.

“Friendship is born in that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’ ” -C. S. Lewis

How are you encouraging?

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Go make a friend (in 10 days).

(2) Share some of the benefits of your friendships. Why do you make friends, or why do you keep developing them? Any personal examples?

• C. S. Lewis was wrong – You need friends
• Permission to be hurt
• How to refuel when serving sucks you dry
• The 7 benefits of serving others
• How To Make A Friend (In 10 Days) – Free eBook

(Photo: Karlina - Carla Sedini)

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” -C. S. Lewis

I liked that quote for the longest time. Actually, I still like it, but I think it only describes part of friendship.

Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, said this, and it’s recorded in the Bible:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.”  -Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

So although C. S. Lewis was probably right that friendship is one of those things that gives value to survival, friendship is also crucial for survival.

When you’re alone and you fall down, no one’s around to catch you. But if you have even one friend when you fall, that one friend can help you back up. Or even if you both fall at the same time, each of you gives the other a reason to get up.

How many survival stories have you heard where friends continue hoping and struggling forward simply because they want to be there for each other? What about during those marathons when total strangers band together to run side by side, because without each other, they’d quit? Do people usually commit suicide together or in solitude?

See, that’s the survival value of friendships. I like that C. S. Lewis said friends give us a reason to survive, but without that reason, we usually wouldn’t survive.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) If you fell, can you name the person who would help you up? The more aware you are of your friendships, the easier it is to continue to grow them.

(2) Are you building friendships that are strong enough to help you survive? Are you building friendships that are strong enough to help your friends survive? Do something on purpose right now to start… or – if you’ve already started – do something to continue.

(3) Shameless plug… because I actually think it’s worth it: check out my ebook, How to Make a Friend (in 10 Days). It’ll give you some ideas to jump-start your friendships.

• 10 benefits of friendship
• Permission to be hurt
• How to refuel when serving sucks you dry
• The 7 benefits of serving others
• How To Make A Friend (In 10 Days) – Free eBook

(Photo: micaeltattoo)

People pleasing is good.

People pleasing is bad.

The key is knowing the difference. Make sense?

At first, Paul the apostle seems to contradict himself like I did just now:

People pleasing is good…

“I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many…” -1 Corinthians 10:33

People pleasing is bad…

“For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.” -Galatians 1:10

It can seem confusing. And the church in general reflects that confusion in practice.

• Some congregations are all about pleasing people and helping them enjoy the Christian experience. We even have names for this perspective: we often call it “seeker sensitive.”
• On the other end of the spectrum, we have congregations that seem to condemn the “seeker sensitive” movement. We might call these people “fundamentalists.”

Ironically, both of those terms, seeker sensitive and fundamentalist, are derogatory depending on whose company you’re in. But taking the words by themselves, they each can sound pretty good too:

Seeker sensitive? Yeah, I want to be sensitive to anyone seeking Jesus.

Fundamentalism? Yeah, I want to hold the basic principles of the gospel regardless of what others say.

So what’s the difference? Where’s the difference? Which way are we supposed to go?

People pleasers or not?

Let’s look at those verses I just quoted with a little more context:

“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense, either to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God, just as I also please all men in all thing, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved.” -1 Corinthians 10:31-33

Key words there: “…do all to the glory of God.”

“As we have said before, so now I say again, if anyone preaches any other gospel to you than what you have received, let him be accursed. For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ. But I make known to you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached by me is not according to man.” -Galatians 1:9-11

Key words there: “…if anyone preaches any other gospel…”

So…

We’re called to please people. Sometimes.

We’re people pleasers to lead people to God and so God will be glorified, not so you and I will look amazing. <<The motivation matters.

We stop pleasing people if it distorts the gospel or leads anyone out of alignment with God’s nature. <<The result matters.

For more on serving God and others and the difference between them, start here…

• How to become a (bond)slave to God
• How to become a (bond)slave for others

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Before you try to please someone, consider why you’re doing it. Are you doing it to show off yourself (or even someone else), or are you doing it to show off God?

(2) Before you try to please someone, consider if you have to sacrifice any part of the gospel message to do it. Specifically, are you downplaying issues like righteousness, justice, and sin, or are you staying consistent with the full nature of God?

• Just to be clear – What blessings do we want them to try?
• Ask yourself these 40 questions to evaluate your premises
• If you’ve been a Christian for three years…
• Becoming child-like: How to play
• How to refuel when serving sucks you dry