(Photo: Bob Jagendorf)

Who’s your best friend… or at least one of your really, really good friends (but not related to you)?

Got a name and face in mind?

Okay, why are you close? Is it just a result of circumstances, or is there something you really enjoy about this person?

Once you’ve answered those questions, I encourage you to write them down. You’ll use them again in a few minutes.

Now let me make a prediction: I’d love to meet this person, the person you thought of. Why? Because I love making friends, learning more about other people through their friends, and if you really enjoy this person, then there’s a good chance I’ll enjoy that person too.

In fact, I’d guess that most of your friends are like me: they’d love to meet the people you care about.

Ditch the idea of matchmaking to help friends get dates, and start thinking in terms of helping your friends make friends. Oddly enough, the results from the latter last longer. Plus, I know I love when my friends introduce me to their friends, so why not turn that around for others?

Who to recommend

The first task in recommending friends is to figure out who you’re going to connect.

• You could just connect all your friends to one another, which would probably work better than nothing.
• I think a better approach, though, is to specifically single out friends who will jive together, starting with – as I suggested at the beginning – your best friend. If two of your super close friends have never met, there’s a huge likelihood that they’ll get along, even if they don’t seem to share many of the same interests. So hook ‘em up.
• Another option is to recommend friends who don’t have many other friends. Some people choose to have a relatively small circle of friends. Others, though, simple don’t know how or are too timid to actively pursue new friendships. So instead of trying to match up people who are already super busy, try to match up friends who need new friends.
• I’m a fan of Facebook, so I like using it to find friends who might enjoy meeting each other. See who’s commenting on your statuses. See who’s interested in some of the same stuff. You can do this the old fashioned way by looking through your Rolodex, but for me, online tools are much faster.
• Also, in order to recommend friends, you need to have friends. Sounds simple enough, but it’s not. To help jump-start your pool of options, join a few groups you’ve never been a part of. Try to meet new friends yourself. Be the initiator instead of always relying on your friends for recommendations. (As you know, I’ve written more about making friends here.)
• I usually avoid opposite sex match-making because it looks too much like romantic match-making. Unless there’s a specific reason, like a common interest, stick with big groups if you’re introducing opposite sex friends at all.
• Some people are naturally more gifted with seeing possible connections. Usually, though, it’s just a matter of paying attention to others and becoming aware of their personalities.

How to prepare your friends for each other

This is optional. You won’t always have the opportunity to plan this much (you shouldn’t even try for this all the time). However, it is a good idea in some situations.

• Start with one friend (we’ll call him Dan). I like starting with the one I’m closer to because that one trusts me more. So tell Dan you know someone else (we’ll call him Paul) that you think he should meet. Explain a little about why they should meet, like maybe they’re interested in some of the same things, have a similar perspective on life, or just enjoy hanging out with you and having a good time. Sell Dan on meeting Paul.
• Once Dan’s on board, you can use that as leverage to get your other friend, Paul, excited about meeting. Say to Paul, “Yeah, I told my friend, Dan, about you. I told him you’re interested in hot air ballooning. He owns one and flies, and he said he’d love to get together with you.” Bam! Instant setup. People love when other people are interested in them.
• You can even go back to Dan and tell him that Paul is exciting about getting together. They’ll like each other before they even meet.
• Warning: be careful, though, not to set people up where one person is mooching off the other. Often, when people want recommendations, that’s what they’re looking for. Steer clear of this by making sure that both friends are benefiting from the connection, not just one.

How to introduce two of your friends to each other

Once you come up with a match, the next step is to introduce them.

• Arrange for the three of you to meet up. If you’re all married, bring your spouses along too. The goal, though, is to keep this as intimate as possible, so don’t invite a bunch of other friends along at first.
• Don’t share phone numbers, email addresses, or physical addresses without permission. Do share Facebook and Twitter profiles (and blogs if possible).
• When your friends are first meeting, you’ll need to guide the conversation. At least throw out a common interest that they both might enjoy talking about. “Yeah, Dan’s a drummer too.” Whatever. At best, stick with them through the conversation.
• Sometimes, you won’t even know who to recommend or you won’t even plan it. Instead, you might just throw a party or plan a get-together for a weekend and invite your friends from different groups. Make sure you actively mix people up, that everyone’s not just staying with the people they know. And then keep track of which friends seem to get along during the event and followup with them afterward more personally.
• At the end of the meetup, whether it’s a big group or small but especially if it’s the first time, try to throw out the possibility of connecting again. Say, “Hey, we should exchange numbers.” And then give yours. Not everyone will want to share their phone number (that’s where Facebook comes in), but you’ll want to at least encourage the idea of continuing the connections. Some friends who’ve connected well will probably volunteer their contact info to each other, which is exactly what you want.

How to help cultivate the new friendship

One introduction won’t do it alone, just like when you meet someone. You have to continue to followup.

• At first, you might have to keep making all the plans. Set up dinners or outings and invite your friends to come out.
• After a while, you can encourage your friends to get together on their own. Ask if one of them would like to set up next week’s plans, something like that. That’ll get contact info exchanging, if it has been already. Plus, it’ll get your friends used to the idea of setting stuff up on their own.
• As a gentle nudge, tell your friends to set something up but let them know up front that you won’t be able to make it. Since you told them to set it up, you can ask about it afterward. Keep that up a few times, and pretty soon they’ll be doing it automatically, with or without you.
• Finally, get out of the way. That can be difficult for you, especially if you really enjoy both of your friends. You’ll want to participate in everything with them. But if they’re really going to become friends on their own, you need to give them space and let them interact by themselves… in other words, without you.

Overall, these are just suggested tips. Go with the flow though. Don’t force your friends to become friends. Instead, be aware of those around you… because surely some of them would love to connect.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Okay, go back to your best friend, the one I told you to write down in the beginning. Use what you know about that friend to come up with someone else that friend should meet and then set them up together. Make it enjoyable for everyone.

(2) What are your tips for recommending people? What’s worked for you?

• How I wrote a recommendation letter – what would you add?
• When to be happy, when to be sad
• Permission to be hurt
• Inviting yourself: An alternative to pimping YOUR stuff
• 3 steps to creating your own version of how to make a friend

(Photo: woodleywonderworks)

Summer is coming, and you’re ready to serve. Washing someone’s car is a wonderful way to help out a friend.

First things first – you’ll need permission to clean the car. A friendly call or visit should work. Say you’re out cleaning cars for the day and wondered if they’d like you to do theirs for them. Tell them up front you’re doing it for free.

When they agree, have them move their car (or move it yourself) near a water supply and power supply, and make sure it’s okay to clean a car there (check that the run-off won’t be a problem).

You might have to move the car twice if you can’t find somewhere with both a water and power supply nearby. Also, a shady spot is best so the water won’t dry too quickly, but don’t want to park under a tree because leaves and birds might help you “un-clean” it.

With the car in a decent location, you can get to work.

13 things you’ll need

• Friend’s car (including permission to wash it)
• Hose
• Car soap
• Bucket
• Four or five sponges (Update: Sarah pointed out in the comments that sponges can get dirt or small rocks stuck in them and as a result scratch the car if you wash with them. So… perhaps just one sponge for the wax and add more soft towels. )
• Brush for scrubbing the wheels and tires (optional)
• Several towels, some for polishing and some for wiping
• Baby wipes or special car cleaning towels (optional)
• Vacuum cleaner with hand-held attachments
• Carpet or upholstery spray cleaner
• Window cleaner
• Trash bags
• New air freshener or air freshener spray (optional)

You’re ready to have at it once you’ve gathered the supplies.

17 steps for the inside

I’d suggest starting with the inside so you don’t have to deal with water on the ground while you’re vacuuming or whatever. Here’s a 17-item checklist for what you’ll need to clean:

• Remove any loose objects that might get in your way like maps or books or whatever else might be laying in the car.
• Pick up any trash on the floor, seats, door handles, or cup holders and throw it a trash bag.
• Remove seats that move easily (like the backseats in minivans).
• Remove floor mats and vacuum them.
• Vacuum the seats.
• Vacuum the floors.
• Apply a carpet or upholstery cleaning spray to stain spots.
• Vacuum around the doors.
• Wipe down the sides and doors with a slightly damp cloth to remove dirt.
• Wipe down the seats if they aren’t cloth.
• Wipe down the dashboard, possibly a center console, and any other plastic parts with a slightly damp cloth to remove dirt.
• Clean the windows, including the front and back windshields, with a window cleaner.
• Put the car mats back where they belong.
• Put the seats back into in the car.
• Replace everything you took out of the car in the beginning.
• Change out the trash bag (if the car has one inside).
• Add the new air freshener or spray some scent inside (optional).

Close the doors because you’ve just detailed the inside of the car. Now for the outside…

10 steps for the outside

(Photo: vvvracer)

This is the part that adds the most bang for your time. Turn on your hose, fill your bucket with water and soap, and start washing. Here are nine steps to do that:

• Rinse the dirt off the car.
• Soap and scrub the roof of the car.
• Rinse the roof.
• Soap and scrub the front, back, left, and right sides of the car, rinsing after completing each so the soap doesn’t dry on.
• Scrub the wheels and tires, perhaps with that separate brush or sponge.
• Rinse the wheels and tires and the whole car one final time to remove water spots.
• Dry the whole car with a clean, dry towel.
• Apply car wax with one of your sponges.
• Polish the car to a shine with a buffer towel.

And you’re done, done, done. Drive the car back to your friend or have ‘em pick it up. When you’re offered money for the job, simply smile and say, “No, thanks. It’s my pleasure.”

Bonus tips:

• Be careful what you pick up with your vacuum. If it’s primarily for indoor use, you can totally ruin it if you’re not careful using it outside.
• Rinse your wet sponges towels often. Dirt or small rocks stuck in your sponge towels can scratch the car while you’re scrubbing. (Update: See the update toward the top. This is why rinses off all the dirt and small rocks in the beginning is important.)
• If you have kids, get them involved with the car wash. For some reason, kids love water.

And now… enough with the charade – I know you already know how to clean and wash a car. The whole purpose here isn’t to teach you how to do it but to get you to do it by providing a fun checklist for you to work through.

I know I always love checking things off, and if you actually do this one, you’ll really bless someone. And hey, you might even get a sweet tan along the way.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Print this out so you’ll have it with you while you’re cleaning.

(2) Get permission to wash someone’s car.

(3) And then get busy with it, checking off as you go.

• Matchmaker tips for recommending friends
• Others-oriented pictures: 16 tips and ideas for blessing with photography
• How I wrote a recommendation letter – what would you add?
• 8 easy card games to rock any party… er, fellowship
• 10 steps to the Thank You note habit

(Photo: pedroimoes)

Someone once said one of the most valuable things he’d leave behind for his family would be his photographs because they start conversations, bring back memories, and strengthen relationships with friends and family.

And this man was far from a photographer – he just took pictures.

Most of us appreciate good photography, but with the hustle of life, we often forget to slow down to capture it in pictures. As a result, taking pictures for others and sharing them is a valuable way to connect and serve.

I’m barely competent with a camera, but I’d like to share what little I’ve learned as well as what I’ve seen others do. The general principle, though, is this: serving others with photography means making others look good in pictures and feel good about them afterward.

8 tips for taking pictures people care about

1. Photo people

When you see a group picture, where do you look first? Be honest here. My guess, from personal experience, is that if you’re in the picture, that’s where your eyes go immediately.

So indulge others – include them in the pictures. Given the choice between a beautiful shot of the Grand Canyon or a decent portrait of a close friend, most prefer the portrait.

2. Include lots of people in each picture

If one person is good, multiple people is better. Why?

• It takes the pressure off one person. Secretly, people love good pictures of themselves, but who’s going to hang their own portrait in their living room? It’s hard to get away with that. People feel less guilty if others are in the picture too.
• You can multitask your pictures. Less people want a portrait of one person – if it’s a group photo, everyone included wants a copy… and extras for friends.

3. Shoot from odd angles

The straight on, “say cheese” approach is nice, but it’s also nice to switch it up.

For example, try to get around holding the camera yourself to take a picture of you and your friend. Instead, set your camera to delayed shoot mode, place the camera on the ground, and get your shot that way. Weird angles make will make your pictures stand out.

4. Fill the frame

The advantage of holding the camera yourself is that the camera stays close.

As a general rule, if you’re taking a picture of one person, get within five feet. Invade their bubble. They’ll appreciate it later when they get fantastic pictures out of it.

5. Avoid built-in flash

You know that flash that goes off and blinds everyone? Dump it when you can. Snap shots in naturally lit areas.

• You’ll get more professional looking photos because professionals sure don’t sure those lame flashes.
• You’ll help your friends feel more casual because they won’t have a flash going off.
• You might save ten years of your friends’ eyesight.

6. Snag pictures in the off-seasons

In other words, keep a camera with you all the time, not just around Christmas and birthdays. Everyone gets a flood of photos on those days, and while it’s still good to capture those moments, people will appreciate your pictures more if you take them when no one else is taking them.

Plus, the pictures turn out more real, not all Holiday’d up.

7. Learn what people like

Some people hate pictures of themselves. Some people hate certain poses. On the other hand, most people have certain types of pictures they really like, even if they know nothing about photography.

Ask and experiment around so you can share the pictures people most enjoy.

8. Take lots of pictures

How do you learn what people like and find those amazing shots?

You take a lot of pictures. You can’t do this mindlessly and expect to improve, but if you pay attention to what works and what doesn’t in your pictures, you’ll learn fairly quickly.

Bonus: Learn some basic photography rules

I’ve given some here already, but it’s amazing how much your pictures can improve if you spend even 15 minutes learning and applying some simple principles.

I’m a fan of Digital Photography School. Check it out, in particular the 10 Ways to Take Stunning Portraits.

8 excellent, picture arrangement ideas

1. Framed photos

With digital photography taking off so well, I for one forget about framing pictures. A special picture is a wonderful gift, though, even if you don’t spend much money on the frame.

2. Picture boards

Get a cork board or a large poster frame and fill it with pictures. People love this stuff.

3. CDs/DVDs/thumb drives full of pictures

If you’re going digital, this is the lazy way to share. But don’t let lazy turn you off – I love getting a ton of pictures this way.

4. Scrapbooks

Girly with a capital G… but hey, I still like ‘em even though I don’t make them myself. If you’re into making them, most people are into receiving them.

5. Facebook and tagging

This is perhaps the fastest way to spread pictures, and one of my personal favorites (even though uploading still takes forever… at least the way I do it).

Why do it like it?

• Conversation…
• With people I might not otherwise share pictures with…
• At all hours of the day or night.

6. Photo albums

Old school is still cool. Do I need to say anything else here?

7. Texting photos

I’m not a fan of texting, probably because I’m back in the stone age here

But if it’s your thing, rock it. Show the rest of us how fantastic it is. It’s fun seeing pictures spread in almost real-time.

8. Digital photo frames

These are expensive for what they are, but my grandparents love them. They’re something to consider as a gift to an entire family. And once they have it, you can keep sending them more pictures for it.

Bonus: Take their picture for them with THEIR camera

I couldn’t end an article about photographing for others without mentioning this oh-so-important one.

You know when you see that couple struggling to get their own picture with the beautiful backdrop? Or that family trying to use the trashcan as a tripod? Go help them out. Offer to take the picture for them.

Okay, I could go on and on about different ways to use photography to serve others (think weddings, church picnics, photo journaling you, your children’s, or your friends’ lives), but yeah… I think you get the picture.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Every habit starts with one action. Start today. Take at least one picture and share it with someone.

(2) I’m not a good photographer like some of my friends. I know I’ve left out some tips. So what would you add? How do you take pictures? How do you share them?

• Matchmaker tips for recommending friends
• The 40-item checklist for washing your friend’s car
• How I wrote a recommendation letter – what would you add?
• 8 easy card games to rock any party… er, fellowship
• 10 steps to the Thank You note habit

…Even though I didn’t know what to do.

Writing recommendation letters is one of those skills most of us don’t consider too often. At least I don’t. Not many people want my recommendation, I suppose.

But as huge fan of recommendations, I think it’s important to develop this skill – it can certainly carry over into informal recommendations in daily conversation.

So this is what I did to write my letter. I’ve also included some questions for you because I’d like your help in improving my (and other reader’s) recommending skills.

Googled it

I had written one of these letters about two years ago. Two years ago. So yeah, I had totally forgotten what I was doing.

Google provided some templates, which I used to structure of my letter. I’m all about creativity and breaking rules to stand out, but I thought it was a good idea to figure out what rules I was breaking.

Do think a template is a good idea?

Learned about the audience

I don’t know if this is always the case (I imagine it often is) – I didn’t know who I was writing to. I knew it was some committee, but the name didn’t reveal much. So I looked them up.

This took some extra work on my part, but I think having at least a few faces helped me sound personal without too much casualness. (Like I didn’t use the word “casualness” in the letter.) It also gave me some background on what they were looking for in a candidate.

Is that too much work considering the benefits don’t seem that impressive? What do you think?

Focused on stories

This is a big problem with my writing – I don’t tell enough stories. I usually ignore the voice telling me to include more stories here because I’m writing how-to posts. I’ll try to change that. With the letter, though, I specifically focused on writing detailed stories and nothing else.

• I told about how my professor used an unusual exam/quiz combo to help students know where they stood in the class.
• I explained about how he’d shared about his former life as a lawyer.
• And I gave a few examples of when he’d gone beyond the classroom to help and get to know his students.

Do you think writing primarily with stories is a good idea or do people want “just the facts (ma’am)”?

Include something (slightly) negative but provide a rebuttal

Without any negativity, I think most recommendation letters feel fake, especially from a business perspective. It’s one thing to know someone you get along with well – it’s quite another to give the impression that a professor is universally perfect.

So in my letter, I included a brief section about why some students didn’t like his class.

What do you think – is that a good idea?

Ended with a recommendation I’d given to my brother

Instead of ending by recommending this professor for the award, which of course anyone writing a recommendation letter is going to do, I ended with a story of how I recommended him to my younger brother. And my brother is now trying to get into another class with him.

I think if I were reading the letter, I’d appreciate some creativity toward the end instead of a fizzle out that’s been done a quintillion times before.

But is it better to stick with a traditional template?

Now that I’ve shared what I did, I want to open this up (as if it’s ever closed) for you to share your thoughts.

• Have you written recommendation letters, for professors or otherwise? How did you do it? What would you add, or subtract, from what I did?
• Perhaps you’ve been on the other side – perhaps you’ve had to read these letters. As a reader, what do you suggest?
• Are recommendation letters even worth the effort? Here’s something I didn’t address – how would you decide when to write them?

I’d love to get your input on how to best serve others through these letters.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Write a letter of recommendation. Even if it’s just for practice, I think you’ll learn a lot about serving because you have two (sometime competing) interests to keep in mind: the one being recommended and the one reading the recommendation (to say nothing of your own effort to write it).

(2) Share about your experiences with writing (or reading) letters of recommendation. (Or even if you have no experience, I’d love to hear your thoughts.)

• 15 ministry ideas to get your brain going
• Matchmaker tips for recommending friends
• Inviting yourself: An alternative to pimping YOUR stuff
• Friender mindset: The subtle difference that makes them amazing
• How to “one-more” and take advantage of incremental growth

Photo by Hello Turkey Toe

Sometimes serving others is lounging about, playing easy cards games with friends.

Or perhaps it’s not lounging at all. Perhaps this is edge of your seat – even out of your seat – competition. Either way, a deck of cards and a group of friends can go a long way. Think of it as a bonding experience.

Of course, some people don’t like card games. My dad, for example, hates most of them. My mom on the other hand (pun slightly intended) loves them all. Take this for what it’s worth.

These are eight of my favorite easy-to-teach-and-learn card games (plus a bonus game). I play each of them at least once a month.

Each is played with a standard deck (or two) of playing cards. Some also require a pad of paper and pen for keeping score, and the game of Spoons literally requires spoons. Otherwise, you don’t need anything else to play these games – just willing hearts and competitive spirits.

1. Kemps

[For 4 or more players but must have 2 players per team] A game with partners and secret codes, what’s not to like? Click here for Kemps instructions.

2. Four-of-a-kind Go Fish

[For 2 or more players] Almost everyone’s played the classic version of Go Fish. Four-of-a-kind just ups the challenge for our post-modern generation. Click here for classic Go Fish instructions.

To switch to four-of-a-kind Go Fish, you match groups of four-of-a-kind instead of pairs before you can lay them down. Also, if someone asks for Queens for example, you have to give up all your Queens, not just one. The rest of the game is played like the classic version.

3. Sevens

[For 3 or more players] Subtle strategy and the randomness of the cards determine the victor here. It’s like competitive Solitaire… but fun. Click here for Sevens instructions.

4. 9-Hole Golf

[For 2 or more players] Calm and requires concentration, don’t try to talk or you’ll forget your cards. Also, don’t let the word “Golf” throw you – you’ll enjoy this game. Click here for 9 Hole Golf instructions.

5. Spoons

[For 3 or more players] Competitive, physical, and sometimes deadly, Spoons is best for large groups hungry for a challenge. Click here for Spoons instructions.

I created a version of Team Spoons that’s great for larger groups, say 20 people or more. You might like to try it once you get the hang of regular Spoons. Click here for added Team Spoons instructions.

4. Trash (a.k.a. Trashcan)

[For 2 or more players] Absolutely no skill involved, this is my kind of game (with the name to fit). Click here for Trash instructions.

7. Speed

[For 2 to 6 (or more) players] As you probably guessed, this isn’t a slow game – but it’s easy to catch on. And you can play a whole round in a minute or so. Click here for Speed instructions.

The instructions say to play with two players, and it’s probably best to learn that way. But… I’ve played with as many as six players. Just add more decks and piles as needed.

8. Up and Down the River (a.k.a. Oh H***!)

[2 or more players] Probably the most difficult to learn, but don’t worry because these are all easy games. I taught my cousins while on vacation last year, and they still thank me for it. It might be my favorite “real” game of the bunch. Click here for Up and Down the River instructions.

Bonus: Slapjack

[2 or more players] Fast paced and exciting, painful and painfully simple, this is my favorite “fake” card game so I had to include it. Click here for Slapjack instructions.

For added pleasure, agree to slap Jacks and Sevens. It allows more slapping and stretches out the game. By the way, I’m pretty much a world-class Slapjack player. Anytime you want to give it a go, look me up, and we’ll get our slap on.

*****

Note: I actually play some of these games slightly differently than the instructions say. That’s because usually these games spread friend to friend without official rules anywhere. The instructions I’ve linked to, though, are the closest (and easiest to understand) that I could find.

I wish I could reach through this screen and play a game or two with you to show you how easy they are to learn. I hope you’ll stick with some of these instructions because I think you’ll enjoy the games once you catch on.

The hardest part is teaching the first person. After that, it’s all over.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Learn some of these easy card games and try them with your friends. I don’t suggest learning them all at once. Instead, bookmark this page – take each game one at a time so you’re not overwhelmed. Savor them.

(2) What card games do you play? I’d love to here your suggestions in the comments.

• Start serving your specialty recipe (PLUS a quick idea to begin)
• 30 ways to go the extra mile
• Matchmaker tips for recommending friends
• Inviting yourself: An alternative to pimping YOUR stuff
• Is “ownership” keeping you from serving?

Photo by halfmortimer

Thank You notes are a lost art – I don’t need to tell you that. The habit is even less common. But Thank You notes are simple to write, and a blessing to receive (and send). So why lost?

Yesterday, I came across a brief post about Thank You notes. I’d been meaning to write about this for a while, but her mention of it tipped me over the edge (thanks to Mrs. Donnelson). With this post, I’d like to encourage you to send one (or two or make it a habit). I’m by no means an expert Thank You note writer. Take what you can from my suggestions, but mostly, start Thank You-ing.

1. Decide to write a Thank You note

If you wait for circumstances to prompt you to send a Thank You note, you probably won’t send any. Just think how that approach has worked for you in the past.

Instead decide up front that you’re going to write a Thank You.

2. Choose someone to thank

Again, I suggest this step before you even have a “reason” to thank someone. Choose someone based on who needs to be thanked rather than who’s done something for you worthy of thankfulness. In other words, who will most benefit from receiving a Thank You note? Choose that person.

3. Find a reason to thank

Only now, after choosing who to write, do I suggest brainstorming the actual topic of the Thank You note. Starting with the person instead of the reason can be a challenge when it comes to this step, but I think it helps you dig deeper into thankfulness. Here are three tips to guide you with your topic choice:

1. Thank for (seemingly) small stuff. The smaller the detail, the more thankful you seem. If you’re willing to write a Thank You note because someone let you “borrow” some staples, your thankfulness will skyrocket, and your friend will realize that you notice and really care.

2. Thank off season. Pay particular attention to sending Thank You notes when it’s not right after your birthday or Christmas. While I still promote that, I think it can sometimes just look like you’re promoting gift giving for yourself. Also, it takes away some of the spontaneousness of the Thank You.

3. Thank for intangibles. Try to thank for who the person is instead of what the person’s done. What I mean is, try sending a note thanking a friend for being a patient listener instead of just when you receive a free meal.

4. Get the address

If you have it in an address book, fantastic. Often in my experience, though, I don’t have the person’s address. You can look it up sometimes, but a strategy I like better is simply to call and ask for the address.

I like this because it builds anticipation. Call and say, “Hi, I’m writing you a short Thank You note but realized I don’t have your address. Would you mind giving it to me?” Now your friend gets to look forward to your note. Sometimes anticipation is just as fun as actually receiving the note. Just be sure to say “short Thank You note” when you call so your friend doesn’t expect a long letter.

5. Pick or purchase a Thank You card

If you’ve not written much in the past, you might have to buy cards. That’s a good thing, though. Choose a pack so you’ll have extras to send to others in the future. Pick cards that are versatile, so you can send them to anyone any time of year, but also be sure to choose cards that are “you” (that match your personality).

6. Write a draft

Yes, I know it sounds lame, writing a draft for something as short as a Thank You note. But do it. You’ll be glad you did (at least I have been). By the way, the need to write a draft implies you’re not typing this up in a word processor. I didn’t think you would type it but just wanted to be sure.

Format suggestion:

• Date: I forget this one too often, but it’s a nice touch to include. Write it in the upper right corner.
• Salutation: I suggest, “Dear Mr. (or Mrs. or Miss) ______.” I like the more formal style even if you’re on a first name basis because it reminisces of the days when Thank You notes were more common. But use your own judgment.
• 1st sentence: “Thank you for…” I’ve heard that you’re not really supposed to begin that way, but I’m like, “Whatever with that.” I think it’s fine. Stay short and punchy with this line.
• 2nd sentence: Unpack that first sentence by telling what exactly you’re thankful for and, if applicable, how you realized you’re thankful for it (see example below).
• 3rd sentence: Explain why you’re thankful and why the reason you’re thankful matters.
• 4th sentence: Repeat your thanks. I’m not sure you can’t repeat this too often in a Thank You note.
• Closing: If it’s to a relative, “Love” works. You can sometimes get away with it to close friends as well. If it’s to a Christian, you could write, “Blessings in Christ,” or “Your brother [or sister] in Christ.” If you really can’t think of the right words, just set off the fourth sentence (the repeated thanks) from the rest of the note and use it as a closing.
• Signature: Finally, sign the note. I like a simple first name.

I try to go for a very informal tone (except for that “Mr.”). Use contractions (“you’re” instead of “you are,” etc.). Use small words and short sentences.

7. Write the note

After you’ve edited your draft (if it needs it), write the note in your best handwriting.

Here’s an example:

Dear Mr. _______,

Thank you for being such a patient listener. I particularly noticed this the other day as I watched you interact with the children in your Sunday School class. They seemed to really engage with you because of it. Again, thank you.

Blessings in Christ,

Marshall

8. Prepare the envelop and pack the card

Address the envelop and put a stamp on it. Include your return address. Make sure the a stamp is current.  Pack the card and seal it in.

9. Drop the note in a mail box

I know I’ve had cards sitting around for a couple days for no reason in particular. Don’t do that. Get out and mail the thing (including the date in step 6 helps motivate you). ‘Tis a wonderful feeling.

10. Plan to repeat steps 1-10

Once you’ve sent one, make a plan to send another within a certain time, say within a month. Jot it down on your calendar. Recruit friends to keep you accountable on your Thank You notes (and encourage them to build the habit too). It will bless others more than you think. And it will bless you more than you think. Try it.

This is a fairly (almost ridiculously) detailed guide. Remember, though: thanking for anything is better than nothing. Don’t sweat it if you don’t follow these suggestions. Just write something. Just thank.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Send a Thank You note. (You saw that one coming, right?)

(2) How about spreading this around? Team up with others to commit to writing a note per month or more (and don’t just write to each other). Watch your thankfulness explode.

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Photo by WayTru

My brother, Ted, rocks the pecan pie world.

A few years ago, he grabbed a recipe for pecan pie from my mom. He made a few pies for the family. They were delicious. So Ted decided to make a few more pies to bring to a church party. They were delicious too. And everyone knew it.

After that, Ted started getting requests for his pecan pies. Everyone wanted one (or more): grandparents, friends, arch enemies. Ted’s now become known for his pecan pies.

As a side note, Ted doesn’t even like pecan pies that much – not even when he first started making them. Instead, he makes them to give away. He makes them because everyone else loves them.

So as usual, I’ve got to ask a question:

…why am I mentioning this?

Because cooking is a fantastic way to serve others. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. It doesn’t have to be costly. It’s actually better if it’s not because you can do it more often.

Cooking is personal. It’s on a different level than giving away a new tie or new plant. Cooking gives more of yourself away. And that’s exactly what gifts should do.

Remember the days when neighbors made cookies for new neighbors? Me neither. Let’s make it happen.

Okay, here’s that quick and easy recipe idea I promised you:

Chocolate covered, potato chips

(Hey, I said quick idea, not healthy idea)

Melt some chocolate chips in a narrow but deep pot (or dish if you want to use a microwave). Dip the potato chips in the melted chocolate (leave part undipped so you can see what kind of chip it is once you start experimenting with different flavors). Lay the dipped chips on waxed paper. Place in a refrigerator or freezer until chocolate hardens. (Now here’s the best part) Serve.

It’s as easy as Sunday morning. You have no excuses now. Enjoy!

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Do you have a specialty recipe? Drum one up. Heck, you could run down the street and grab a bucket of chicken, anything. Become known for giving away a particular, wonderful dish. (And don’t keep your recipes secret. For that matter, let us know what you make in the comments.)

(2) Try making some chocolate covered, potato chips. And giving them away.

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