What shows when you remove your mask? (Photo: DerrickT)
“I know you, and I don’t blame you. You don’t want to go out with her ’cause she’s a little chubby.”
[Awkward pause.]
“What? I’m just keepin’ it real.”
I’m not sure how many times I’ve heard this or similar conversations, but it’s often enough for me to want to give up on authenticity.
Why authenticity seems so superb
Authenticity seems wonderful. In a world of fakes, authentic people – down-to-earth blokes who reveal who they are – stand out.
A big criticism of Christianity is that we’re all a bunch of hypocrites. That’s how I’d argue if I weren’t a Christian. Jesus even called us on it more than anything else.
So really, authenticity is a response to hypocrisy. We assume if we’re authentic enough, we’ll shed hypocrisy.
Fair enough.
The deal-breaker for authenticity
Authenticity is a direct connection between our thoughts and our lips (and sometimes even our lives). Maybe that’s not what it originally meant, but that’s what it’s become. And that’s NOT good.
We’ve grown to assume that if we’re thinking it, we might as well say it… because otherwise, we’re not being authentic, we’re not being open.
But the Bible promotes no such thing. It says…
“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” -Ephesians 4:29
In other words, shut up unless you’re helping someone.
That’s a narrow gate. Not much in my thought life meets those criteria. But that’s what the Bible says, which implies that most of my thoughts are going to be closed, not open.
Wait, Marshall – aren’t we called to confess?
Yes, but that’s only part of it.
“He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confess es and forsakes them will have mercy.” -Proverbs 28:13
This is the verse that does it for me. Keeping sin covered isn’t a good idea. I’m all there. Instead, though, it says to confess and forsake sin.
If we look at this in context with the “shut up unless you’re helping someone” verse, the confession only helps if we’re then going to forsake.
That’s my problem with authenticity.
Authenticity promotes confessing but not forsaking, keepin’ it real, but not making it better.
Confessing is a means to an end. Confessing helps with forsaking. But if the forsaking never happens – if it’s not even on the agenda – the confessing only hurts.
- I don’t want or need to hear how you really feel about your boss if you’re not changing your mind.
- I don’t want or need to hear how you really feel about your spouse’s failings if you’re just complaining.
- I don’t want or need to hear what’s on your mind unless…
1. It’s going to improve someone else.
2. It’s going to improve you.
For some of you, this isn’t much of a problem. You’re good with tongue biting, or at least better than most. I’m not, and I think for many of you caught up in the authenticity craze, this is a problem for you too.
So what I propose instead
As you know, I’m not a boycotter – I’m a supporter. It sure seems like I’m boycotting authenticity, right? So you might wonder what I support instead.
For a long time, I didn’t know what to call it, but finally I think I’ve found a word:
Sincerity, and why I choose it over authenticity
Sincerity is a “should” – authenticity is an “is.”
Sincerity is moving, progressing, and working to improve. Authenticity is a stagnate description of the status quo.
- With authenticity, it’s easy to say, “Well, this is how I am. I’m real. You either like me or not. Take it or leave it. I come just as I am.”
- But sincerity says, “I know I’m flawed, but I’ll do everything I can to be amazing. I come not as I am but as I could be.”
Sincerity implies trying – authenticity implies fact. Being sincere is about being what you really care about and being who you really want to be, not just who you are.
I don’t hate authenticity. It definitely has its place. But I think it’s overrated. Authenticity should never be the goal. Authenticity is for knowing where we are so we know how to improve.
“And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more… that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ…” -Philippians 1:9-10
Serving Suggestions:
(1) First off, I’d like your thoughts on this. Have you noticed authenticity going too far, or am I distorting it too much? How do you feel about it?
(2) If you think authenticity needs some improvement, how do you think we can do it?
Twitter Updates
I definitely hear what your saying and I appreciate the difference. I don’t like when people say “that’s just the way I am” when they’re referring to their accepted negative or non-helpful behavior. Jesus paid a price so we could be free regardless of age, sex, or any determining factor. I admit it’s harder to change as life goes on, but nothing is impossible with God.
Like you said, I understand the appeal of being “authentic” but it can turn into a noose if we let it. All the while we think we’re doing fine. Interesting and relevant conversation to have! Thanks, Marshall.
Yes, like I said, I’m not totally against authenticity, but I think it needs to be re-thought through. As it is now, almost fatalistic to me, though that’s probably a bit strong.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
hmmmm!
Sincerity though is just another way of papering over flaws.
So, let’s say you ask my honest opinion of something. Do you want me to be authentic i.e. tell it warts and all. Or do you want me to be sincere where I fudge the issue and prevaricate and not actually give you an honest answer.
I do see your point though as I come very much from the school of “take it or leave it” that’s who I am and I can’t change that (and have a fab testimony about this but another time ..). If you ask me then you’re going to have to be prepared for the answer that comes your way.
An old pastor of mine helped me no end with this. He said – “Stuart, never loose your honesty and stay true to who you are in God. If someone else has a problem with an honest answer then taht is their problem.”
Point is, I don’t set out to hurt folks but I know of no other way of being. Perhaps we are debating semainticsover precise meanings of words but if a christian can’t take authenticity or honesty or sincerity (to me three words from a similar root) then that is their problem.
You’ve brought up an important point, Stuart. Like you said, honesty when someone asks is the best policy, though of course it’s good to add as much grace to it as possible.
In general, though, I don’t believe in being who I am as much as I believe in being who I should be. It’s like C.S. Lewis said, “Do not waste time bothering whether you “love” your neighbor; act as if you did… When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.”
Authenticity wants me to hold on to who I am. But like I wrote about for becoming a (bond)slave to God, God wants me to take on a new identity. I can never become who I should be without giving up who I am now.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
Yes of course – grace should be used and it is the one aspect I forgot to mention. That is a lesson I’ve learnt as I’v aged.
That grace + truth equation is difficult to master, for sure.
-Marshall Jonoes Jr.
“Authentic” is usually our cover word for disobeying the commandments to love God and love others.
I’m with you.
A big determination of mine, for a while, has been to be “real”. I want to be a REAL Christian, not a plastic imitation. I want to be honest about the fact that I struggle and that I sin, but if I’m REAL about it, that means that I am fighting to defeat it, not just to excuse it.
That’s a good way of putting it, our cover word for disobeying. I’m all for “real” authenticity, but like you said, it has to be used to expose who we are so people (and ourselves) will realize that we’re still a work in progress. When it stops working like that, authenticity stops working.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
I use Authenticity a lot in the setting of business leadership, and I believe in it – I think it rings more with your idea of “Sincerity” than the blathering idiocy of saying whatever comes into your head. Authenticity has a lot to do with maturity, and self-awareness. Which means you are aware of others, and what is in their best interest rather than your own. Also socially aware of how you come across to people. These are the aspects of authenticity that make it appealing to me, even though the word does get over-used and blown out of context.
Yep, I hear you there. I think my biggest problem with authenticity isn’t authenticity itself… but staying with authenticity instead of doing something with it. Perhaps I should have called this “Moving beyond authenticity” or something like that.
Thanks for balances this out.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
MJjr:
Nice job handling difficult material. My thoughts:
Eph 4:15 talks about “speaking the truth in love” as an element of Christian maturity.
We owe people honesty, and a level of detail in our communication, that is appropriate to the level of relationship that we have/desire with that person.
Example: If the kid behind the counter at McDonald’s asks me, “How are you today?” it’s not appropriate for me to say, “My hemorrhoids are flaring up.”
If my wife asks the same question, and wants to go bike riding, I better be authentic with her.
Same holds true for spiritual things, confession, etc. My desire to puke out my innermost feelings to anybody I encounter is not the hallmark of Christian maturity. It’s quite the opposite: It’s merely over-spiritualized narcisism.
Thanks for the verse, Bob. Right on with that.
I don’t mean to compromise truth to make people feel good, but yes, we’re certainly not called to spill out guts for our own satisfaction. Well put.
Also, thank you for dropping into the comments. I appreciate it.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
Bob – “level of detail” is good – being honest doesn’t mean that EVERYTHING is revealed, and neither should “authenticity”.
Yep, there’s always that point where, for example, Abraham should have revealed that he was Sarah’s brother AND husband, but in general, I think we often take that too far in the name of authenticity.
-Marshall Jones Jr.