37 solid strategies to find out what they want
Note: This is the fourth part of a series on finding out what people want. If you’ve not followed along, start here.
So far, you’ve learned some of the advantages and disadvantages of asking others, yourself, and God what people want. Now, I’m finally getting into the nitty-gritty of actually asking and gathering answers.
Many of these are redundant as you’ll see. Seeing from a different perspective, though, changes the answers you’ll get to your questions. The answers might be only slightly different depending on whether you ask yourself or others or God, but you can learn a lot from those differences.
I almost made this three separate posts but decided against it so you could find all of these in one place. I did divide them into three parts, though:
- Part 1: Asking people
- Part 2: Asking yourself
- Part 3: Asking God
Each has it’s own challenges and benefits as we’ve already seen, but together, as I’ll share later, they make a solid base for finding out what people want.
Part 1: Asking people
Asking them what they want is the most direct way to figure out what they want. Of course, you won’t always get direct responses and most times you have to pry more than just ask, but the overall strategy with these is to observe first hand what people want.
1. Ask them, “What do you want?”
The most direct strategy out there, but when was the last time you used it? Try it – you’ll learn a lot. Ask straight up.
2. Look at what they buy
Visit their home. Look around. What do they have a lot of? What expensive things do they buy? Do they have stacks and stacks of books? Do they have the latest in technology? Do they spend most of their money on expensive restaurants, or do they mostly dine at home eating whole foods?
3. Listen to what they talk about
Start a conversation with them, or get them to start one with you. Or listen to other conversations they have. Do they talk about sports or business? Do they talk about their children or grand kids? Do they quickly dive into deep, “meaning of life” conversations, or do they warm up with the weather?
4. Evaluate how they spend their time
Do they enjoy quiet walks or bicycle rides in the park? Do they travel on purpose? Do they prefer to gather with lots of friends at parties or meet for coffee one-on-one?
5. Pay attention to when they’re happiest
Finding out what makes people happy is a fantastic way to find out what they want. What are their proudest moments, their highest achievements? What makes them content? When do they smile most? When do they laugh?
6. Pay attention to when they’re saddest
Often, what people want most is relief from pain or a specific trouble. So pay attention to it. What makes them sad? When are they most depressed? What makes them cry?
7. Pay attention to when they’re bored
I’m pretty sure this is a younger generation problem – I sure hope it’s not too widespread anyway. Either way, though, you can learn a lot from when people are bored. Are they bored because they’re alone? Or are they bored with what others enjoy, say a type of movie that bores them?
8. Find out what they learn about
What do they want to get better at? What are they interested in pursuing?
9. Find out what media they consume
Do they watch TV or go see movies? Do they read blogs or the newspaper? Are they subscribed to any magazines? Do they play video games? Now, what kind do they consume? Do they watch Sci-Fi or romantic comedies? Do they play first-person shooters or arcade games? Do they read fiction or non-fiction, about home improvement or what?
10. Average their friends
Consider who their friends are. What kind of people do they hang out with? Most people are just like their friends. You’ll notice patterns.
11. Average their idols
What impresses them? If they could be like anyone, who would they pick? What do all their heroes and mentors have in common?
12. Listen to their recommendations
What do they recommend? Movies, food, people, what? Okay, now what do you think they like about what they recommend? People recommend what they think will make them look good… and what they think other people will like. And how do they decide if other people will like it? Often it’s all based on what they like.
13. Listen to their complaints
When do they complain the most? Sometimes, that’s a problem they’d most like resolved.
On the other hand, more often people don’t really want their complaint resolved – they just want to complain. Learn from that side too.
14. Ask them what other people want
You can learn what they want by exploring what they think other people want. You can go specific or general here. For example, you could ask, “What do you think is the best birthday gift to give someone?” Or you could ask something more like, “What do you think drives people in general? What do you think they really want?”
15. Note what they give away
Two sides to this: one side is that what they give away is what they like. The other side is that what they give away is what they don’t want anymore. So it often depends on if they’re giving away old stuff or new stuff. If it’s new stuff, though, they’re probably giving it away because they think the other person will want it. And if they think the other person will want it, they probably want it too.
16. Read everything
Not literally perhaps, but by reading tons of material and paying attention to the topics and trends, you’ll pick up various motivations that might not be as obvious otherwise. After all, most authors spend years considering the topics they write about.
Part 2: Asking yourself
Do unto others, right? Focusing on what you want is a fantastic way to figure out what other people want. Because if you want it, other people probably want it too. And since you’re asking yourself, you can get specific because you’re always available for observation.
17. Ask yourself, “What do you want?”
The most direct strategy for asking yourself, I try to ask this one all the time. What do I want? Simple, but often overlooked for understanding others.
18. Chart how you spend your time
I love this tip for yourself because you can chart your time very specifically. You can’t do it as accurately on someone else. Get a small pad of paper and mark down each time you change activities throughout the day. Write the time and activity for each. Then review. You’ll discover a lot.
19. Measure how you spend your money
Forget budgeting for a second – just track what you do spend without trying to change anything from your normal spending. Most importantly, pay attention to your discretionary spending because that really shows where your priorities are.
20. Evaluate what you learn
You learn some things on purpose, like how to play guitar. You learn some things on accident, like perhaps how to change a tire. Evaluate all of it. Could someone else want to learn that? Could someone else be interested in the same topics? What do you like learning by accident? Card tricks? New recipes?
21. Journal the experiences when you’re happiest
Get specific about when you’re happy and what makes you happy. Often you won’t really know. You’ll think it was the fun ride at the theme park or the fun person you hung out with. But really try to drill in on what it was that made that ride or that person exciting. Did they make you feel brave? Did they make you feel attractive? What was it?
22. Journal the experiences when you’re saddest
Again, get super specific. No one else is reading. Why are you sad?
23. Journal the experiences when you’re bored
One of the best ways to figure out why you’re bored is to focus on what you’d rather do. Now what is it about that other thing that would excite you? How might other people feel the same way, and what is it that would excite them?
24. Ask your friends what you talk about
This is like a double reverse. You ask your friends what you talk about so you can get a better perspective on what you want. Then you take that knowledge and apply it back on them by realizing that what you want is probably what they want too. So ask, “When we talk, what do I talk about the most?”
25. Ask your friends what they think you want
Sometimes just because you’re too close, you can’t really see what you want or what you’re trying to pursue when everyone else around you can. So ask them what they think you’re after. You’ll learn more about your own desires, which you can translate to others, and you’ll learn what other people think you want, which often reveals something about what they want as well.
26. Pay attention to what you recommend
As I already said, we recommend what we like and think others will like.
27. Pay attention to your complaints
I never encourage complaining, but let’s be real here: we’re going to complain anyway. Might as well make the best of it and figure out what really bothers us. Because if it bothers us, it probably bothers someone else too.
Part 3: Asking God
The general principle here is that God knows everything, so following and studying what He wants helps you understand what other people want. And as you’ll see, God loves blessing people, which is exactly what people want.
28. Ask God, “What do you want?”
God only wants good things from us, so what He wants us to give Him is often the same as what other people want us to give them. This can go too far as I said before – it’s not a good idea to worship people even if they want it. But you’ll gain valuable insight into people’s deep desires this way since we’re all created in God’s image.
29. Search the Scripture for what God tells us people want
In places, the Bible specifically says what people want, especially in books like Proverbs. Look for these and use them.
30. Search the Scripture for revealing stories
The stories don’t always tell directly what people want, but you can usually find the motivation behind what people do. That motivation is often linked to what they want. Particularly look at the Old Testament from say Joshua through 1-2 Chronicles.
31. Learn what makes God happy
Psalms, for examples, has tons of references where God delights in something. If it makes God happy, it’s probably something that, in the long run anyway, will bless people as well.
32. Learn what makes God sad
Like learning what makes God happy, if you learn what He doesn’t like, what makes God sad or angry, you can find what will hurt people in the long run.
33. Study what God likes to give
God likes to bless people, so if He likes to give something, then it’s blessing. Find out what He likes to give because people certainly want it, even if they don’t know they want it right now.
34. Study what God likes to teach
The Bible talks about a lot of issues, but some God really enjoys sharing with us. Again, if God enjoys sharing it with us, then it’s a blessing. Does God like to talk about the kingdom of God or worldly kingdoms? Does He care about the way things look on the outside or on the inside?
35. Ask other strong Christians what God wants
Often other Christians have better perspectives than you. Ask around. Ask what God’s teaching them about what God wants. Make sure to compare their answers with Scripture – it has to line up.
36. Listen to God’s responses to prayer
Which prayers does God respond to immediately? Which take a little more time? Why? This is similar to studying what God likes to give, but instead of studying Scripture to find the answers, you wait for responses to prayers.
37. Ask God what other people want
Once again, a very direct approach to finding out what people want. Just ask God and wait for a reply. If God wants you to know and you’re willing to listen, He’ll tell you. But there’s a big “if you’re willing to listen” part there. Ask. Then actually listen.
Serving Suggestions:
(1) Pick one of these – just one – and try it out within the next hour. You could compact most of these into a five minute deal (though you could certainly expand them as well).
(2) The general principle for finding out what people wants, and one I’ll repeat at least one more time, is this: stalk them, study them, get involved, and pay attention.
(3) Read the final part of this series: Learning what people REALLY want.