Learning what people REALLY want

Note: This is the fifth and final part of a series on finding out what people want. If you’ve not followed along, start here.

We’ve covered the advantages and disadvantages of different approaches to finding out what people want. We’ve also looked at some practical suggestions for gathering that information.

Now the challenge is to combine what we’ve learned into a meaningful picture of what people really want.

How do we do that? Do we start out by asking God what He would like us to give people? Or do we start out by asking people what they want us to give them?

How do we set up for people who say they want something might not really want it? How do we know specific details? How do we know the deep desires that aren’t so superficial?

Let me start out by saying this: it’s not that difficult. It’s certainly not as difficult as it seems. The key, like anything, is recognizing that it’s something we need to focus on. Once we take the initiative to find out what people want, actually finding out isn’t that big of a deal.

That said, here’s the progression I’d suggest for learning what they want.

God >> Yourself >> God >> People >> God

1. Start by asking God to show you what He wants to show you. You’re not asking for specifics here – you’re just preparing yourself to receive the right answers.

2. Ask yourself what you want. You’re always available, so you can always start here. Plus, with the benefit of being able to relate and really feel the need, you’re more motivated to follow-through with it. And at the beginning stages, it’s especially important to get your motivation running.

3. Next clarify by asking God. God is also always available, so you have no excuses not to go through this. You won’t always understand God’s reasons, but if you’ve started out by asking yourself, you’ll already have some motivation working in your favor to help you push through. This step should cut out any selfish motives you had in the first part.

4. Finally, get specific by asking people. Even though this the most direct option, it’s good to save this until the end because by then you already have a lot of direction for where you’re supposed to go.

5. Clear your final answer with God once again. This is, like the first one, only about clarification, not necessarily finding out anything new.

The progression usually goes from specific (what you want) to a general confirmation of your specific idea… then it gets detailed again in the actual application to people.

For more about why this progression works, review the first three articles in this series:

You’ll notice that following this progression helps eliminate the disadvantages by providing checks where you could go wrong but still allows the advantages of each to work for you.

How this looks in practice

This is how this exact progression played out for me with (blog) comments.

1. I started asking God how I could better serve others through what I do with this blog.

2. I realized that I wanted more comments on my blog. That’s something I really love waking up to in the morning.

3. God kept telling me through Scripture that my primary job should be to encourage people. So I started writing more Thank You notes and tried to speak like an encourager more often.

4. Someone mentioned on their blog that each comment is a tremendous encouragement. When I heard that, I thought, “Wow, that’s something I want, and yes, comments are an amazing encouragement.” If I hadn’t already thought about what I want (comments) and what God wants (me to encourage), I might not have put that together.

5. When I went back to God about this, He even gave me ways improve how I encourage through comments. For example, I started noticing specific things people said in comments on my blogs that I could use in the comments I write for others.

A big part of what I do as a blogger now is commenting. I stopped commenting when I feel like it and started commenting to encourage. But that’s just one, tactical example.

For more specific examples of how to find out, review these 37 solid strategies.

If you use the “God >> Yourself >> God >> People >> God” progression, you’ll be able to build your questions on the previous answers.

For example, instead of just asking people what they wanted in general, since I already was focusing on commenting, I was able to ask people specifically what kind of comments they wanted. Asking specific questions goes a long way in getting specific answers.

Will it always progress just like this for you? No, probably definitely not. This progression, like this blog, is a guide. It’s a place to start. But once you get in and get going, you’ll definitely experience different progressions.

I hope with this whole series you take away at least this: start finding out what people want. Don’t give what you want to give – give what they want to get. It’s the most effective way to serve.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Find out what someone wants. Don’t start out general. Start with one person in particular: your mom, your best friend, your boss, whatever. Focus on one person.

(2) Ask and study all three (the specific person you chose, yourself, and God) to find out what this person wants. Find a specific answer, something you can do for that person.

(3) Write down the entire process. First, you’ll get better clarity this way. Second, you’ll be able to use this information to generalize to other people.

(4) Repeat steps 1-3 for a bunch of different people. What patterns do you find? You can then take the patterns from what you’ve learned from the individual situations and run them through the process to find out what people want in general.

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